1. The Nation's Cranky Grandparents And Disaffected Uncles Head To The Polls Today

It's a midterm election day, which means that a vanishingly slim percentage of the U.S. population is heading out to their local polling places to vote (probably for whichever candidate hates immigrants more). According to pollsters, the Republican Party has a 76 percent chance of reclaiming control of the Senate and making President Obama's life miserable for the next two years.