1. Catholic Church Reluctantly Sort Of Accepts Gay People In Hopes World Will Sort Of Accept It

Now that the world is slowly growing increasingly tolerant of gay people and decreasingly tolerant of the Catholic Church's intolerance of gay people, an assembly of bishops at the Vatican has issued a document calling for the church to be slightly more accepting of LGBT parishioners, as well as divorced people and children who were unlucky enough to be born into a family made up of these grotesque sinners. After all, did not Jesus teach us to kind of love our neighbors with conditions specified by dogma?