5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 15, 2013

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 15, 2013
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 15, 2013

1. Company Already Named Fukushima Calls Its Mascot 'Fukuppy' in Huge P.R. Fukuppy

A Japanese firm that already has the misfortune of sharing a name with the infamously radioactive Fukushima nuclear power plant went ahead and created an adorable anthropomorphic hard-boiled egg cartoon mascot and actually literally for-real named it 'Fukuppy.' They might as well have named it… Actually, that's the very worst thing they could have named it. So, essentially, they preemptively stole our joke.

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 15, 2013


2. Senate Leaders May Have Come Up With A Deal Shitty Enough To Avoid Default For Now

As the symbol of American liberty re-opens for the first time in two weeks, it appears that Senate Republicans and Democrats may have put aside their hatred long enough to come up with a deal distasteful enough to both sides to temporarily re-open the government and avoid worldwide economic disaster at least until February, when we'll get to go through all of this again. 

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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 15, 2013


3. Taylor Swift Education Center Opens In Nashville Presumably To Educate People In The Field Of Taylor Swift

Thanks to a $4 million contribution from country singer Taylor Swift, the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum was able to open the Taylor Swift Education Center — a 7,500-square-foot facility that boasts multiple classrooms, a learning lab and an art gallery space — over the weekend. Finally, members of the public have a place in which to fully dedicate themselves into the study of Taylor Swift and Taylor Swiftian matters.

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4. Netflix Might Be Coming To Cable System Its Helping To Destroy

Netflix — the online content-provider that is currently in the process of undermining cable companies' position as the world's source of old Columbo episodes and Kevin Spacey vehicles — is considering offering its services via the system it is in the process of dismantling. That way, they can be as mad as everyone else when Netflix destroys their business model.

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5. Boeing Passed Off Used Parts As New To Old And Gullible Pentagon, Probably While Wearing Bad Toupee And Loud Jacket

After dousing itself with what we assume was a large amount of very cheap cologne and quickly picking its teeth with a Bic pen in the mirror, the Boeing Company greeted the easily-fooled geriatric Pentagon and sold it $16.6 million in used helicopter parts that the overly-trusting military complex was told were new. This is the fourth such incident in the past five years.

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Song That Doesn't Totally Suck Of The Day: Ween - You F**ked Up [NSFW]

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