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1. Researchers Find Oreos Are As Addictive As Cocaine, Make No Mention Of Whether They Are Traded For Blowjobs As Frequently As Cocaine

Neuroscientists at Connecticut College have discovered what most people have known for years: Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. In a laboratory experiment, the researchers found that rats were as prone to fighting their way through mazes to get their hands on the Nabisco cookies as they were to score some coke. The experiment was not replicated with Hydrox-brand cookies, but we can all assume how that would have worked out.