5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 17, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 17, 2014
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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 17, 2014

1. Obama Appoints An Ebola Czar Who Will Hopefully Hopefully Not Have A Very Long Reign

Despite the relatively low number of actual Ebola cases in the United States, the virus has been garnering sufficient enough headlines to force President Obama to appoint former Chief of Staff to the Vice President Ron Klain as the nation's first Ebola czar. Hopefully, he'll be a little more successful than the drug czar and the Guantanamo closure czar.


2. World Series Will Pit San Francisco Giants Against Kansas City Royals, So You're Now Officially Excused From Watching It

San Francisco Giants first baseman Travis Ishikawa ended last night's playoff game against the St. Louis Cardinals with a home run that sent three players across home plate and propelled his team into a World Series contest against the Kansas City Royals, who have not made it to the championship games in nearly three decades. This is good news for both winning teams, but great news for everyone else, who are now relieved of the burden of wondering if a team they care about in the slightest might win the World Series.

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3. Apple Unveils iPads So Thin, There's Practically No Reason To Buy Them

Apple presented its two new iPads to the world yesterday, boasting the tablets' remarkably new thin proportions. At $6.1 millimeter wide, both sizes of the iPad 2 Air just barely meet the qualifications for tangible existence.

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4. Upcoming Ron Howard Film Reminds Humanity Why It's Best To Stay On Land

Film director Ron Howard is remaking his classic film Apollo 13 as In the Heart of the Sea, except with a doomed Nantucket-based whaleship instead of a doomed NASA space capsule, a pissed-off sperm whale instead of equipment failure and super-depressing cannibalism instead of engineering knowhow.

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5. Warner Bros. Magically Transforming 42-Page 'Harry Potter' Book Into Epic Movie Trilogy

Warner Bros. has announced that it is somehow adapting J.K. Rowling's 42-page, mostly narrative-free Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them into at least three blockbuster fantasy films based in the Harry Potter universe. On the plus side, Rowling will be writing the screenplays herself, so even if they're bad, they'll at least be canon.

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(by Dennis DiClaudio)

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