1. New Yorkers Finally Get To Make The Ebola Outbreak All About Them

While it's incredibly unlikely that an Ebola-infected doctor accidentally passed on the virus to anyone after returning to New York City from work in Guinea and before eventually being hospitalized and quarantined, it is technically true that there are now several people in the city who are maybe infected. But you know what? That's all that New Yorkers needed. The outbreak is now theirs and they get to be loudly afraid and self-obsessed on social media, so all is right with the world.