5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 29, 2014

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today - October 29, 2014
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1. Taylor Swift Redefines Music Landscape With Her Derivative, Generic Pop Songs 

Pop singer Taylor Swift is set to make music history by becoming the first musician to sell one million copies within the first week of her new album's release for three consecutive albums. Her new album, 1989, appears on track to match her previous two, Speak Now and Red, in sales as well as vapidity.


2. The Nation Mourns As The Giants-Royals World Series Continues On For Yet Another Game

The Kansas City Royals disappointed all of America last night by handily beating the San Francisco Giants 10-0 in game six of the World Series, leaving both teams with 3 wins under their belts. Distraught citizens nationwide consoled themselves with the knowledge that Major League Baseball rules do not allow the series to progress past a seventh game, so everything will have to wrap itself up tonight one way or another.

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3. Marvel Bravely Takes A Chance On A Few Non-White/Non-Male Superhero Movies

After six years, and more than a dozen films released and announced, Marvel Studios has finally decided that its audience—which is predominantly made up of people who are not white males (and that's not even considering its international audience)—is finally ready to see a movie or two about some characters who are not white males. So, included in its information dump yesterday are two upcoming films that aim to shake things upBlack Panther, about a black male superhero, and Captain Marvel, about a white female superhero. Until their releases in 2017 and 2018 respectively, here's an extended look at the upcoming Avengers: Age of Ultron, featuring a bunch of white dudes with their own franchises, plus Scarlett Johansson and Don Cheadle.

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4. Catholic Leader Who Believes In Talking Snake Also Believes In Evolutionary Theory

Pope Francis caused some controversy yesterday when he announced to an audience at the Pontifical Academy of Sciences that he believes that both the evolutionary and the Big Bang theories are based in fact, saying that God is not “a magician with a magic wand." This is probably the most compelling evidence against those theories that the scientific world has seen thus far.

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5. Sarah Palin Greatly Underestimates How Much Her 'Haters' Want To See Her Run For Office Again

Former partial-term Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin—clearly aware that the world had momentarily turned its gaze away from her as it prepared itself for the impending midterm elections next week—told NBC News last night that she will "hopefully" be running for office again in the near future, with the ostensible purpose of annoying her "haters." Moments later, haters everywhere unanimously threw up their arms in celebration. She still knows how to give the people what they want. 

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(by Dennis DiClaudio)

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