1. Study: Those Snot-Nosed Little Fuckers With Food Allergies Cost Around $4K Per Year

According to a new study in JAMA Pediatrics, in addition to sapping all of their parents' energy and turning them into obsessive compulsives who read the ingredients in everything fifteen times before opening the box, children with food allergies wind up costing their families approximately $4,200 extra a year for special foods, accommodating schools and lost wages for time spent micromanaging teachers, camp councilors, dorm roommates, and department supervisors.