1. Burger King To Offer Lower-Calorie, Less-Delicious Fries

The fast food restaurant chain Burger King has announced that it will begin to offer a low-fat option for french fries. Their "Satisfries," in addition to having a goofy name, will contain 20% fewer calories than their normal fries and 30% less than the ones offered at McDonald's. They're expected to be 70% less popular.