Secrets are meant for keeping, but the longer you keep them, the more they seem to want to come out. How great would it be if you could confess the one huge secret that could possibly ruin your whole life if it got out, without anyone knowing it was you? Enter: Reddit. The place where people go to spill the beans about the biggest secret in their lives, something that no one else on Earth knows. Except everyone who's now read it. Thank God for anonymity (or, in this case, "throwaway" accounts).
1. ThrownAway2389's wife would probably be a little freaked out to discover this.
I once helped out my a female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend's diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.
2. While totally illegal and definitely creepy, I have to say I somehow admire throwaway215091 for this.
Two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the owners that they have an 800 sq. ft. bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago. The bunker that I've called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.
I'm a single man who keeps to himself. I'm now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.
3. Turns out iGotYouThisCake did not get you this cake from scratch.
I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes... Every last one is made using Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is like.. My whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are. Telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking fucking cakes!! I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself of that makes sense. Still... No one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for YEARS. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. :/ I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.
4. HalfEducated proves how far you can get in life by lying.
I faked the last two years of college education. My parents put so much pressure on me I couldn't handle it (I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety) so I faked it all. Lied to everyone. Made up fake transcripts. I just got my foot in the door in my desired field thanks to a friend as they hired me as a subordinate. This place only hires college grads but no one double checked my credentials since I was recommended. My hopes is that if I need to find another job I'll have been at this place long enough to get it by experience alone (I work for a very prestigious company). I'm not bad at my job. I'm actually quite good. But my fear is eventually I'll hit a wall and the lie will come to light. No one has known this for the better part of a decade.
It's a relief to finally say it "out loud." I can't even tell those I love. My silence is my prison.
5. In this case, it's not so much yesthisisthrowaway23's secret that could ruin lives as it is everyone else's secrets.
IT guy here, it's amazing what people will do on their computers and say in their emails despite having to sign a waiver that all computer activity at work is monitored and recorded.
I have half the company's banking, social media and personal email account info and passwords. I know who is secretly banging who at the office behind their spouse's backs. I know who is cybering at work and jerking it in the bathroom almost daily. At least they tell their sex chat partner they're running off to the bathroom to jerk it, haven't felt the need to check the validity of that one. I know when people are having martial problems, financial problems, I even know one person here had their children taken away because a social worker found cocaine in their house. I know who is embezzling money, I know when people get fired for completely bullshit reasons (like they just want to replace them with someone younger and nicer on the eyes), and I know who my boss is buying xanax and vicodins from.
Basically I have a treasure trove of my coworker's secrets. I won't actively do anything with this info, but it's nice knowing I have the ammunition there if something were to ever happen.
6. Ahemsoaptin and the story of The Tell-Tale Poop.
I once took a shit In the bathtub and then realising what a horrible mistake I'd made, I flung poo Into a hole In the wall.
My parents renovated and patched up the hole. So now there Is a ~15 year old turd in between the bathroom and kitchen wall of my childhood home.
Not even using a throwaway because I have no shame.
7. FelineOfTheSea better put another shrimp on the barby.
After graduating from high school, I went to a small out-of-state college where no one from high school knew me. I was told many times how impressive my false Australian accent was, so I decided it would be great fun to go through college pretending to be from Australia. All of my friends and even my girlfriend of two years think I'm Australian. I have a completely fake Australian identity, family, and past. I will soon be graduating, and I plan on asking the girl to marry me. Everything she knows about me is Australian I don't know how to tell her she doesn't really know me. Guess I'm forever a bloke.
8. Throw7638 is a master of revenge.
I had a fraternity brother who was a real dick to me in college and hazed the shit out of me. Back then, you could log into the registration system to sign up for classes. He was a senior, so he got first pick of the classes he wanted. This was right when the Internet was becoming popular, and back then, a person's login was their name, and their pin was their birthday. I logged into his account, and dropped all of his classes three days after they started. He did not find out until midterms when the professors submitted his grades. They refunded his money, but he had to spend an extra semester in college.
9. Garno374's joyride didn't end so joyfully.
This wouldn't ruin my life but back in middle school me an a friend in our building were standing outside our street was being repaved we noticed the workers all left for lunch so my friend said hey let's go sit in the steam roller (being young and dumb we did). So we go and realize the keys are still on my friend was like hey let's drive it. Well having never driven a steam roller we didn't know that it's the back that turns so he started it up we started going down the street he's driving I'm just riding along do next thing I know we are losing control and we crash into some old guys living room this old man was sitting there watching tv. All we could do is just run we booked it and left. Told my parents i was over at a friends house and we didn't come back to our neighborhood till later on. Come to find out the cops have been going house to house looking for us. My parents were like what stupid kid could have done this. The old man who's house we crashed into only got a basic description of my friend but not me. There were wanted posters with a $20000 reward for my friend but the picture looked nothing like him. After about 3 months the posters went away and we were never caught. We never told anyone.
10. Newbie1975 knows that winning the lottery isn't always the best thing that can happen to you.
I left work recently and said I was setting up a very specific new business and have told this to most of my friends as well. The truth is I won the lottery but don't want anyone to know because I am afraid it will change relationships for the worse if people knew. I haven't done anything for the business yet and feel terrible making stuff up all the time. It's making me avoid people so that I don't have to lie and I don't want to set up the business just to keep the story real. Not one that will garner much sympathy but thought I'd throw it in the mix anyway....
11. Im_not_really_gay's user name says it all.
I'm a senior in high school at the moment. In sophmore year, I came out to all my close girl friends, and am now very very close to all of them. I've slept in the same bed with them, dressed and undressed with them, even took a shower once with one of them.
I'm not actually gay, and just came out so that I could see them naked. My entire group of friends would completely shun me for life if they ever found out.
12. Pfuschendennarr's secret involves a porn site but no porn.
When I was little. Back in the days of 56 k modems, One day I, a 12 year old kid, was discovering the pornographic expanse of the internet while my parents were out of the house. I managed to end up on some camgirl site. Back then things were different with billing. You didn't have to give them your credit card information. You just click accept on their front page (does anyone actually read the fine print to get into a porn site) and bam. Billed it through our phone line. I was having the most innocent conversation with a goth looking young woman in a bikini. I was just lolling like when most people discovered chat roulette. All of a sudden. A window pops up saying my current bill for this 'private chat' and it was like 700 dollars. I realized what had happened and freaked out. I cleared all the history and temporary files and never mentioned it again. A few months later my parents seemed shocked. They had gotten a ridiculousness statement on their phone bill for some erotic service they had surely never ordered. They briefly asked me, devoid of suspicion, and I simply denied any clue as to what it was about.
They told the phone company it must have been fraudulent and someone somewhere along the line dropped the bill.
At 12 years old I unintentionally stole $700 worth of conversation from a adult entertainer. I'm sorry miss! You were very nice. :P
13. Stallionn's real family tree is actually a bit complicated.
My brothers two children with his wife are actually my two children with his wife.
14. Not to sound judgmental, yeahscabs, but YIKES.
I have this compulsion to pick (and subsequently eat) things produced by my body. That's scabs, snot, boogers, earwax, eye crusties, dry skin, I chew fingernails and toenails, the oily stuff next to my nose and behind my ears, popped zits, hair follicles, stuff like that. I haven't eaten any fecal matter since infancy and I think I'm okay with that.
15. How To Get Through School, by PassmethePepper.
I speak two languages so every time I received a new essay I would browse the topic in my own language and translate the text word-by-word to English then submitted it.
No one ever caught me for plagiarism before.
16. Last but not least, let me present: the cum box. The user's account has been deleted, but the cum box thread has become the stuff of Reddit legends.
Cousin died when we were both seventeen. There was a reception at his house just after the funeral. I went into his room and stole all the money that was there, took some other valuables that his parents wouldn't realize were gone. No one knows that I did it, they just assumed he didn't have any money in his room, only loose change. I don't regret it, but I will never admit I did it.
Also my cum box.
"Also my cum box"? Um, okay, that's too mysterious not to ask about further. Or…is it? One Redditor requested more information about this "cum box." Turns out there's no mystery, but it's still oddly fascinating.
So the guy elaborated (there are pictures, too, but I'll spare you):
Well, it is exactly what it sounds like. It's a shoebox, or at least once was, and whenever I masturbate I cum into it. I've had it for two or three years now I think, so it has a fair amount of cum. It smells atrocious, and I tried to burn it once. When I lit it on fire, it was too damp due to the cum that it simply sizzled and didn't manage to actually lite up. Turns out burning cum smells awful, so I had to spray it with a deodorant body spray just to get the old smell of burnt cum away. It also has some drenched papers stuck to it. That's pretty much it.
EDIT 2: A lot of people are asking me, why? Well, I'm apparently a rather disturbed individual. But, it just kind of happened, bought new shoes and needed someplace to cum, used the box. It just escalated from there, kept using it each time, telling myself I would throw it out soon. Never did, two or three years later, I still have it. It was planned or anything, it just happened.
Edit 3: I often get PMed about updates or current status of the box, generally a few a week. So I might as well update this post, if anyone even gets linked here anymore. Current status, I have created life. Mold has begun to grow in the box and has taken over a fair amount. Smells a bit worse, mainly due to a damper apartment so it does not dry as fast, hence the reason why the mold has begun. I will never be rid of my need for it.
I hate and love the box, just as I hate and love myself.