Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!
Let's face it: we have no idea what we're doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It's been a great run, but now it's time for real adult leadership.
Wow, what an incredible opportunity presented in the same place women sell their positive pregnancy tests.
Once you get to their requirements, however, it's clear they have a very specific person in mind.
We are seeking a highly qualified executive to run our company who meets the following requirements:
- Strong public speaking skills
- Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
- Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
- Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
- Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
- Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
- Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
- Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
- Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
- Natural born citizen of the United States
- Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.
Damn, it almost feels like you could lie your way through an interview until the part about needing a "minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation." Maybe someone could get an old Spanish teacher say you presidented in Spain for a while? Is that equivalent enough?
Clearly, they're looking specifically for Barack Obama.
Is this a good opporunity for #44?
Look at these benefits they're offering:
What's In It for You?
If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.
- Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)
- Generous vacation time
- A new computer
- Pre-tax transit benefit
- Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds
Paid relocation to Chicago is available. Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred).
I mean, who doesn't want Barack Obama to be their new dad?
No word on weather Barry has bitten— a majority share of a joke card company is v exciting— but far as we can tell the job is still available. If you're interested, or if you are Barack Obama, go ahead and email your resume and references to firstname.lastname@example.org.