There's nothing like a great comeback. A precise, witty retort that absolutely destroys the person who said something insulting and puts them in their place. Of course, that comeback is significantly less effective when it’s thought of minutes, hours, or days later. Here are some people on Reddit who thought of the best thing to say—just not at the best time.
1. Dremora_Lord knows that the key to an insult is swiftness. Well, now they do.
This must be like a year ago.. It was during my I.T. lecture, I was hitting refresh again and again, It's something I do when I'm in front of a PC and not doing anything.. So the lecturer walks near me and yells "Why are you doing that? What exactly do you get from doing that?" I just sat quietly back then.. This morning when I was refreshing my PC I remembered the exact scene, and suddenly came up with a brilliant (at least I think it is brilliant) reply..
My reply should've been "Because it's refreshing"
Thanks brain for coming up with a reply after almost a year..
2. Lyrical_Myrical was getting mugged, which is a pretty good excuse for not coming up with a suitable reply.
When I got mugged, the mugger said to me “what you got?” I should have replied "a black belt in karate, bitch!" And then proceed to beat him to a pulp. Instead I said nothing and let him fish my phone wallet out my pocket.
3. The context of this story from 2muchcontext is that it's about a text, and then there's also some subtext.
We just finished up PE and as we were waiting for the locker rooms to open I'm on my phone. A dude who was fresh out of juvy and likes to fuck with everyone comes up to me and says, "You texting your girlfriend there, bro?" And everyone snickers at how unlikely that would be.
What I should've said?
"No, I'm texting yours."
4. It's truly humbling when one has to compare themselves to George Costanza, like staircasehmm had to do.
Was being insulted by an old friend… about joining his business and he was being a sarcastic prick about it. Felt super Costanza thinking of this 18 hours later.
"I don't think there's enough room up your own ass for two heads in this company."
5. User moaningpilot actually went back and delivered the comeback, which is way more awkward than the initial encounter.
I went one joke too far once and ended up insulting most cancer sufferers at school when I was around 14. Someone called me a 'cancer hater'. Took me about 4 hours to come up with "Does that mean you love cancer?".
Childish response but I was proud of it and had to go back to the guy, remind him of the argument and deliver my comeback nearly 5 hours later.
6. Too soon, Johnnycockseed. Too soon. (About the One Direction news, we mean.)
Driving with my friend to visit family recently, the new One Direction song came on. I asked who was playing, and she said the following: I'll give a hint: they only have four members now." Since she had been lamenting What's-His-Face's departure earlier, I knew the answer.
But later in the day, I came up with the better answer: "The Jackson 5?"
7. Brace yourselves for this story from Oiknn.
Was walking up the stairs at school and was passing a…girl who was in a neck brace because of a recent car accident.
I tripped a little while passing her and in her weird, human/pig crossbreed way, she snorted out
I didn't respond, but later realized what I should have said
8. I_Fly_Airplanes sure has a lot of arrogance and nerve to bring this up.
Someone asked if I know what “hubris” means. “Yes, of course I do. My vocabulary is unrivaled!” is what I should have said.
9. Actually, kennysui, it wasn't your browsing history. It was your search history.
“Oh God! You saw my Chrome browsing history! Is what i should've said when this girl who worked at google said she doesn't want to date me.
10. As michaelharrison shows, whether now or later, a dad joke is always the way to go.
I work at a retail store that sells electronics. A customer came in and asked if we had any Sharp TVs. I said yeah, and pointed them in the direction of them. Right as they were walking away, i realized i should've touched the corner of the TV right behind me and said, "OW! (pretending my hands in pain) This ones pretty sharp"