5. Westboro Baptist Church apparently changed its message to "God Hates Divas." The endlessly obnoxious Phelps family announced plans this week to picket the funeral of Whitney Houston, even though to the best of our knowledge she was neither gay nor an Iraq War vet. We can't even remember what these inbred attention whores are supposed to be protesting, and we're fairly sure they don't either.
4. Foster Friess thinks your vagina has a headache. Friess, the guy in charge of Rick Santorum's SuperPAC and one of his biggest supporters, went on MSNBC Thursday and "joked" that, in his day, women staved off pregnancy by sticking Bayer aspirin between their legs. He would have paid more attention in health class, but he was too busy entertaining big dreams of one day helping someone lose a presidential race.