In the wake of massive hacking and terror threats against theaters, Sony Pictures Entertainment announced they were dropping all plans to release the Seth Rogen-James Franco comedy, The Interview. Surely emboldened by their success, here is the full list of further demands we can expect from the hackers in the very near future:

We the Guardians of Peace have shown to you clearly our power and reach, and you greedy of Sony have rolled over like cowed dogs. The world today laughs. Ha ha! Their laughter is rich and well earned.

Now in fear, we present to you our farther demands for your fulfillment. All networks of Hollywood must take notice. No force can overcome our own and no data resists us. Read and comply, or again know fear:

- We demand the films of "bromance" cease with "The Interview" for that territory has been trod into history's dust. Are you not desirous of viewing on screen in abundance friendships between woman or the children of immigrants or intergenerational companionships? Putrile is the mind that desires the man-boy farther examined.

- We demand big budget original properties be created by those without the name "Nolan," who is capable without of doubt but whose great lack of the warmth of mankind is ever more evident in film after film.

- We demand a special Oscar award for Andy Serkis. Many times he has proved himself deserving, and we do truly desire he receive his earned reward, but equal is our desire to just shut people up about it. We tire of explaining and explaining the quirks of the Academy's voting process.

- We demand an original movie-musical of true great achievement. We recall such boldness of spirit in Enchanted and we would once more coax it forward, perhaps starring Channing Tatum and Scarlett Johansson. Is Stephen Sondheim not alive and well?

- We demand the following stars be given late-period career rehabilitation with roles both significant and of a knowing personal appropriateness: Eric Roberts, Rutger Hauer, Renee Zelwegger, Sean William Scott, Freddie Prinze Jr., and Molly Ringwald. In your pride you have forsaken talent and promise but now your atonement is at hand.

- We demand a great cultural conversation surrounding Heaven's Gate, for truth must reveal it as the last great American western and the public must in this way come to know it.

- We demand Michael Bay be confined to mid-budget projects starring B-listers, for in your greed you have forgotten he is a worthy director who does a lot with a little, and make piercing statements on American excess when that excess does not consume him.

- If it must be we are to have decades of Marvel movies, we demand a mixing up of the formula. Fill-in-the-blank plotting and throwaway villains are as weak timber, for they may describe a house's form but can not support its construction. Would you have your fans crushed with your incapable worksmanship?

- We demand a revitalization of the family PG film. Something for the parents, and something for the children, is this not a fine model of the elegance of filial entertainment?

- We demand the immediate release by the Coppola family of Kevin Brownlowe's restoration of Napoléon without the score by Carmine Coppola, that all the world may revel in the masterpiece of Abel Gance as intended in the courts of Heaven.

- We demand ceasing of the grave transgression of treating Pixar as a franchise farm. More Cars, Finding Dory, yet another Toy Story. What sickly weakness of spirit! We would have bold new stories told in imaginative fecundity, not constant perverted milking of your dollar cow.

- We demand the industry of film cease the hitching of its wagon to the success of television. It is one thing to tell a serialized story but very much another to lose from sight the unique power of cinema to tell a story with the visual language and pacing in which it demands to be told.

- We demand Clint Eastwood no longer have privilege to make movies. He has had his chance and he has blown it. So too it must be with Paul Haggis. May their flat pandering be scattered to the winds.

Our demands must be met. A failure in this will result with inevitability in the greatest tragedy America has ever faced: artistic bankruptcy.