What states would I like to visit? Any states that don't have monstrous pythons roaming free.
PHOTO: 18-Foot Python caught in Florida Everglades National Park: http://t.co/vI5dn44SYy pic.twitter.com/MrTWDiYz1S
— NBC DFW (@NBCDFW) July 29, 2015
Florida, I'd expect this sort of thing from you. But Missouri? Missouri, I am VERY disappointed.
At least Florida had the bigger snake — on July 9, a python researcher in Everglades National Park caught the third-largest python ever found in the state of Florida, a 18-foot, 3-inch behemoth that I have named "Nightmare Fuel, ESQ."* According to CBS Miami, "Burmese pythons are an invasive reptile with no natural predators. They appear to be wiping out most of the small mammals that once thrived in Everglades National Park." So that's comforting.
VIDEO: 15-Foot python found in #MO backyard http://t.co/iU41nBVNxd pic.twitter.com/SUqIwJGNAf
— STLtoday (@stltoday) July 29, 2015
But Missouri? As bad as Nightmare Fuel, ESQ is, your snake might be worse. Because even though your python was just 14-feet, 7-inches, I expect more from you. And by "more" I mean "I expect you to not have a giant python roaming a neighborhood and stealing people's chickens." People in the neighborhood were so terrified of the snake that a local man took snake justice into his own hands and shot the python. You can see more of the Missouri snake in the video below, which for some reason includes a three-year-old boy as the primary interview:
Pythons are not native to either Florida or Missouri, but asshats who have them as pets sometimes release them into the wild.
* Yes, I know ESQ is the title given to lawyers. But there is no way you are losing a court case if your lawyer is a giant python. Python Lawyer, coming this fall to CBS.