But in the meantime, let's have some fun! Woo! College!
Welcome, new students! We want you to know that this is one of the brightest, most promising incoming classes we’ve ever duped into paying for a worthless degree. Your future is full of limitless possibilities that you won’t be able to take advantage of because of crippling interest payments and terrible credit scores. You have the power to create your own destiny of not being able to afford to buy a house because some idiot told you to invest in your education instead of real estate. We can’t wait to see what you’ll achieve after you’re forced to go to grad school to acquire some marketable skills and even more debt. Congratulations!