Most stuff you can get online for cheap or free is not what it appears, like this "TV" that turned out to be a board in a garbage bag. But once in a while, a brave hero decides to actually get honest about the life-ruining item they're trying to unload on the world for "free." Denell McCaul, from Michigan, is one of those heroes.
Last week, McCaul, an owner of chickens and one rooster, posted an ad on Facebook for her "inconsiderate jerk" and "ASSHOLE" rooster, who she really, really, really wants to get rid of. Really badly. No, seriously. Someone help this woman.
The ad, brought to you by extreme sleep-deprivation, reads:
FREE to good home. Well, any home really. At this point I don't give a shit what kind of home this inconsiderate jerk goes to: ASSHOLE ROOSTER. He's the perfect rooster if your alarm is broken and you need to be awake at 5:30 a.m. That is his only setting, 5:30. He has no snooze button but will be quiet just long enough for you to fall back to sleep and then he'll start back up with his obnoxiouscock-a-doodle-doing right outside of your windows. It's like he knows where you sleep and can zone in on that particular window so maybe he has some sort of special x-ray vision where he can see sleeping people behind walls. He is also a perfect rooster if you want to start running... around your yard... while you're trying to get away from him. He no longer goes after me as he is also an instructor of interpretive dance. Or at least that's what I imagine it looked like as I went after him flapping my arms, jumping up and down, kicking at him, yelling and screaming, and swinging a mop in his direction. So, if you're looking for an alarm clock with the only setting being 5:30 a.m., a personal trainer and a dance instructor, I have the perfect rooster that is able to fill all 3 of those positions FOR FREE! But you're coming out to catch this asshole, I want to see your first interpretive dance lesson.
OKAY, so, in conclusion: if you want this "free" rooster with "super powers" that allow him to prevent you from ever getting a good night's rest again, thus ruining your life, BUT saving you money on a personal trainer (definite plus!!!!), all you have to do is go to Michigan and chase it around this woman's yard and try not to get attacked in the process. But other than that, it's totally FREE!
The internet found the ad so hilarious that it has been shared over 66,000 times since she posted it last Wednesday. Lots of commenters are laughing and relating their own rooster stories.
Turns out, yes, there are lots of rooster stories out there. Many of them do not end well for the rooster.
And this is all very funny. But also, seriously guys, can someone please help Denell? She's gone full Jesse Spano on caffeine pills and we're worried.