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A viral tale from Reddit's depths of idiocy, the dreaded Today I F*cked Up forum, will serve as a warning for any homo sapien demented enough to try to "scare" their mate.

What do you think's gonna happen? They'll be terrified and ride that feeling all the way to the sound of church bells? Don't be an idiot. They'll just hate you.

Like this guy: 'TIFU by trying to scare my wife. NSFW.'

This actually happened today. I'm writing this while currently in the doghouse. So my wife and I are just finishing a nice shared bath. We are almost ready to get out when she notices that her crazy bipolar dog is sitting by the tub shaking instead of her usual spot under the bed in fear of her getting her own bath. My wife being slightly paranoid instantly thinks something or someone must be in the bedroom that is making the dog scared. She ignores my logic that the dog is bipolar and if there were anyone or anything in the bedroom she would be going nuts barking. Not to mention my husky is in the living room and would not let anyone in without doing something.

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So far, we have: two dogs, one scared. Two humans, one scared. Got it?

Let's move to act two.

Well. We get out of the tub and start to dry off all the while my wife is eyeing the bathroom door into the bedroom which is wide open. She finishes drying off and as women do she wraps the towel around her. Now she needs to check out the bedroom. She literally gets down near the door and starts crawling towards the door.

Picture this, but less terrifying:

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Now, all of the above has merely been set-up for the impending idiocy of the husband. Let's play a make-your-own-adventure game. In the man's situation, watching his unsuspecting wife crawl away from the bathroom in a towel, do you:

  • A.) Do nothing.
  • B.) Do nothing.
  • C.) Do nothing.
  • D.) Do something.

What a bummer, the man chose D!

Here is where my fuck up happens. She is crawling in nothing but a towel about to peak around the doorframe to the rest of the bedroom. Of course what do I do standing there seeing her butt facing me holding a towel? Yep. I think a quick little pop to the butt will scare her good. Without a second thought I let a light little flick of the towel fly. Oh but I forget. It's not how hard you flick the towel it's how you flick the towel. It was almost perfect...except my aim was off. Yes in my stupidity did i not only manage to pull off a perfect snap of the towel but i managed to perfectly center my aim right where no one ever wants to be hit. It was literally looked like it was in slowmotion as I watched in horror the towel popping right in my wifes crack. I knew the look well she gave when she turned and rolled to her back. I get her up and breathing normal again and then I see the other look. I know I deserve this look.

The man says "crack," and this can be confusing, because he doesn't mean butt crack.

She has recovered now and is sleeping soundly. There was no after bath fun. There will likely be no fun of any kind for as long as she is mad. I have no idea how much laundry or dishes I will need to do. Nor do I know how many flowers or dinners it will take.

TL;DR. tried to pop my wife in the butt to scare her. Accidently hit her in her privates instead. Her dog started everything rolling but now I'm the one in the doghouse.

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For those of you who scrolled directly to the bottom of the article, just to read the fall-out— THE MAN FLICKED HIS WIFE'S VAGINA WITH A TOWEL AND HURT HER REAL BAD.

#NotAllHero'sWearCapes.

The comments were hilarious.

From men who tried this before:

To men with solutions:

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To the predictable pun-fest:

Maybe it was worth it, after all.