If you're going to have a relationship with your hand, you might as well dress it up.
Loners of the world, unite! Oh, right. They're loners. Well, loners of the world, pay attention so you can avoid unwanted human contact! People on the Internet wised up pretty quick to the classic "babe caught me sleepin'" fake photo, so those looking to catfish themselves have to seriously step up their game. Fortunately, this guy is here to show you how in 3 easy steps:
Step 1: Have two hands. Choose one to be the girl. Paint it that special "girl" color.
Keisuke Jinushi is a Japanese photographer who claims he just wanted to show off his "selfie" skills with his tutorial on how to fake a fulfilling love life on Instagram. Well, Keisuke, mission accomplished. Now you can "claim" that your Internet success caught the attention of a "woman" who is definitely "not your hand with different nail polish." Very clever, Keisuke.
2. Dress on your girl hand with nail polish and a scrunchie (your girlfriend is from the 90s).
3. Surround yourself with people who are even lonelier than you, start shooting.
Bonus step: don't think about where that hand has just been.
So, if you want to keep your friends and family off your back about why you don't have a girlfriend (or boyfriend with small hands), follow Keisuke's advice. As for me, I'll keep doing what I've always done: try desperately to hide my relationship with my hand from my actual girlfriend.
(by Johnny McNulty)