Life is short, eh? Ashley Madison hack reveals Canada's capital is secretly a giant key party.

Life is short, eh? Ashley Madison hack reveals Canada's capital is secretly a giant key party.
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1 in 5 residents of Ottawa, Canada are on the site. Not 1 in 5 married residents. 1 in 5 of ALL residents. It gets even worse once you really crunch the numbers.

Life is short, eh? Ashley Madison hack reveals Canada's capital is secretly a giant key party.

The Canadian Parliament, aka the Great Northern Boner.

Oh, Canada! America's polite little sibling who never fully moved out of mother England's basement is turning out to be a real freak in the bedroom. That's right, not only is Avid Life Media (parent company of cheating website Ashley Madison and sugar daddy site Established Men) itself Canadian, but its most popular market is none other than the capital of the Great White North, Ottawa. An unbelievable 189,810 of the city's 883,391 residents (as of 2011) had profiles on the site. That's 21.5% of the population (which has probably grown since then, so let's just call it 20%) in the city that is home to Canada's Parliament and federal government.

Related: How Ashley Madison ruined my reputation (on purpose) long before the hack.

Lets break this down further. 18.9% of Ottawa's population is under 15, which adds up to 166,961 kids. I assume Canadians don't get married until at least 18, but whatever, they only count kids under 15. This leaves us with 716,430 Ottawans over 15. In 2001, for the first time in history, the percentage of Canadians over 15 who were married fell below 50%. So, let's be conservative and say that rate has only fallen to 45% since then.

That leaves 322394 married Ottawans—probably fewer. THAT MEANS AT LEAST 58.8% OF MARRIED OTTAWANS WERE ON ASHLEY MADISON. THAT MEANS THOUSANDS OF COUPLES HAD BOTH SPOUSES ON THE SITE.

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Related: In (dis)honor of Ashley Madison, here's the best of partners getting caught cheating on other networks.

Why, you ask? Not generally, "WHY?!" but, "Why Ottawa?" Well, the short answer is that politicians and the lobbyists who own them are supposed to be married, whether or not that marriage is happy. Even if you're not actually an elected official, working in a government town often requires presenting a traditionally successful image—and that includes a stable marriage (and not an open one). “In our buttoned-down city, it may not be acceptable to openly explore outside of a committed relationship," said Ottawa marriage counselor Nataxja Cini to the New York Post.

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It's a small town where everyone is either political or blue collar—you can't just go to a dive bar to pick up some anonymous tail when everyone in town either went to high school together or are determined to destroy the other half in the next election.

The rates of cheating increase with the proximity to power: the top zip code for cheaters in Ottawa is the residential district right next to Parliament Hill. A lot of people are predicting a bunch of awkward conversations at dinner tables in Ottawa this week, but after crunching the numbers and realizing that there must be thousands of couples where both spouses were on the site, I think those awkward conversations happened a long time ago. Maybe all those cheating power couples will go on a relaxing trip out of town to have affairs in a more exciting city.

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"Why do you think everyone goes to Montreal to have a good time?" 38-year-old Katy told the Post, “Ottawa is the city fun forgot."

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