Seanan McGuire is a best-selling fiction author. But even though she writes science fiction and fantasy, she's going viral again for a Twitter story she told in 2015 that is, for one man's leg, unfortunately quite true.
Before we dig into this story of an alligator lizard getting deep into a place that will make you want to vomit, it's necessary to point out Seanan McGuire's own thoughts on the story when it first went viral. She took to Tumblr to answer everyone's question: "IS THAT STORY ABOUT ALLIGATOR LIZARDS REAL?"
Her answer: "Yes."
She also pointed out how annoying it was that news sites would share her story without context, so check out the end of this article for the full context, in her own words. Other than that—sorry Seanan—but this story is too good not to share.
Now, here's your mental picture of the story's protagonist (this is not the actual lizard from the story).
If you have a fear of lizards (herpetophobia), now's the time to close this page.
Sounds like a great service, and nothing would go wrong there on a daily basis.
Notice how loving Seanan McGuire is to lizards. This will be relevant throughout the story.
Take a break now to gather yourself.
Here we go.
(Here are more photos of alligator lizards in case this isn't vivid enough for you yet.)
Excuse me while I go buy every single one of Seanan McGuire's books, just for the good karma in case I ever get a lizard stuck in my leg. Seanan McGuire was, is, and continues to be the preeminent lizard whisperer. Pray to her before you go camping.
And as promised, here's the full context of the story, via Seanan's Tumblr:
The context stuff: This happened almost twenty years ago. I was nineteen then; I am thirty-seven now. I would not necessarily shove my finger into a blood-covered lizard’s mouth today (okay, I probably would, but that’s not the point). Cellphones were not yet common, and no one in our group had one. So all the people saying “pics or it didn’t happen” are literally asking why, twenty years ago, we didn’t say “hold on, the internet is gonna be big and full of liars, better go find a camera and snap some sweet pics while this dude is screaming and the lizard is freaking right the fuck out.”
Bowie (the alligator lizard in question) was not a fully mature adult when this happened. This means that his scales were smoother, making it easier for him to burrow, and that he was smaller than the pictures of adult alligator lizards that I’ve seen people adding to the tweet thread. He’s also long dead of alligator lizard old age, because again, twenty years ago.
TL;DR: Yes. Every reptile-related story I have told on the internet has been true.
Have a good time with your brand new herpetophobia.