On August 5, British guy Wes Metcalf found a dead worm packed in with a "fine cucumber" he purchased from a Tesco grocery store. After posting to the store's Facebook page the following day with plans to hold a funeral for the dearly deceased, Wes and Tesco customer rep Rob engaged in a deeply emotional back and forth including poetry, heartbreak, and an Oasis cover song. The following is their absurd exchange.
Dear Tesco, yesterday I purchased one of your fine cucumbers which I had planned on using to make my favourite dish - a cucumber sandwich
Upon opening my cucumber I discovered a worm inside the wrapping (see picture). I thought - at last, finally Tesco have come up with something to beat Aldi's free spider with bananas offer.
I excitedly shouted the kids downstairs to come and meet our new pet. We decided to name him William. Our new pet appeared to be very unresponsive, we just put it down to him being sleepy and decided to give him sometime to come round.
24 hours later and William still hasn't moved, on closer inspection he seems quite flat (again see picture) and I think he may be dead. Well...I'm no vet but I think the tight shrink wrap on the cucumber may have squashed and killed William.
I know Aldi's Banana spiders were deadly but at least they had some life in them.
I now have three very upset children, a worm funeral to plan and to top it all off I've totally lost my taste for cucumber sandwiches which as everyone knows are a favourite at any wake.
So come on Tesco wiggle your way out of this one!?!?
Tesco was way on board with this.
I’ll be heading to a muddy festival shortly, trawling through the fields of damp grass and dirt, much like William would’ve during his happier times.
This means I won’t be able to make it on the day unfortunately, though I’ve decided to compose a poem, which I hope you can read out on the day. Would that be okay?
An ode to William…
Although life takes funny old turns, we can all learn from William the Worm.
Let us gather, light a candle to burn, and celebrate the life of William the Worm.
Lights shine bright; let’s eat sponge cake through the night! Because there’s many a lesson to learn.
He wriggled many miles; he gave us many smiles, so we stand today confident and firm…
William will be back, very much like Arnie, though now we will all check, before we make a sarnie!
Wishing you the best
Rob – Customer Care
You'd think that would be the end, but the next day Wes came back. He loves this dead worm.
Well what can I say it's been an emotional day but the funeral went without a hitch.
Tesco Rob we read out your poem and there wasn't a dry eye amongst us.
Keeping on with the poem theme here's another which I think sums up today quite nicely.
#RIPWilliam #justiceforwillian #poemsforwilliam
As we gather here today for William the worm
It's time to reflect on the lessons we can learn
Now this poor worm's life was cut far too short
After he was crushed to death in a cucumber I bought
Tesco please don't let this happen again
Don't let Williams life be lost in vain
But let's not focus on who's to blame
Tesco have apologised admitting their shame
As we resume Willian's body into the mud
Please don't shed a tear instead think of the good
For Willian's death has brought us all here
Sharing jokes and spreading cheer
Before his death William was completely unknown
Spending his days in the mud on his own
But now his name has travelled wide and far
William the worm - the viral superstar!
Rob's Oasis cover is as follows:
Today is gonna be the day that we’re gonna celebrate for Will,
He’s’ gone, and now we’re feeling sad, we know it’s a void we cannot fill,
I don’t believe that anybody, feels the way we do, about you Will…
Back beat, the word is on the street that you’d travelled many-many miles,
I thought we’d seen it all before, but you’ve gave us memories and smiles,
I don’t believe that anybody, feels the way we do, about you now…
And all the grass you’d wriggled through is inspiring,
And all the time that Wes spent trying to revive you…
There are many things that we, would like to say to you
But we cannot now…. :(
You’re gonna the worm that saves me,
I think we’ve learned,
You’re our wonder worm!
Still hard to believe Rob went with "Wonder worm" instead of "Wonder Will." We will never truly understand the artist's mindset. Inspired by Rob's song, Wes decided to see Rob's Oasis cover and raise him a Blur.
Rob that would have meant so much to William .... I'm pretty sure he was into the whole Brit pop scene - he had that dark greasy grungy look about him.
Once again you and your team at Tesco have moved us all with a brilliant Oasis Tribute.....
Allow me to join in and respond with a reworded classic from the same era...
Blur - Wormlife
Wiggling is a preference for the habitual mud dwellers known as..
Avoiding the morning feed as a preference to bird seed is known as..
The inevitable bad luck ending up on fisherman's hook is what's known as..
That fateful slumber that got him trapped to a cucumber
He should have cut down on the lazy life and got some exercise..
All the people
So many people
We all stand hand in hand
To remember Wiiliam and Wormlife...
At this point, it almost becomes a competition over who could care about this dead worm more.
What a journey we’ve shared together; memories shall not be erased, and I’m sure we will all learn and grow from what he’s taught us in such a short space of time.
I know William’s life is going down in the history books already; perhaps he may even end up with a tribute album at this rate?
The key lesson here has to be that when our lives are affected by a tragic loss, we must focus on regenerating, and moving forward, much like an earthworm may do, should it become split into two.
To #WormPop forever and always…
Rob – Customer Care
Well Tesco Rob... what can I say, the last 48 hours have been an emotional rollacoaster. There's been highs, there's been lows. There's been poetry, there's been songs. We've been discovered a new genre of music.
One thing is for sure..... after all this, worms or no worms I will always get my cucumbers from Tescos..... a true friend!
That said don't forget my gift card, worm funerals cost money and you don't want me getting legal on your asses.
Rob I hope Tesco appreciate what a great customer service rep they have.
Indeed they have Wes my friend.
We’ve remained strong and resilient in the face of toughness, and I do think we’ve managed to turn a dark day into a delightful memory to treasure forever; wouldn’t you agree?
Fear not as the Moneycard is making its way to you in a fashion quicker than William may have been used to, nonetheless I’ve attached a letter along with it which I hope you’ll keep safe for him, perhaps adding it to his shrine even?
Massively appreciate the kind words from yourself, and all of those who have paid tribute to William.
One thing’s for sure; he’d definitely be proud of us all.
Rob – Customer Care
I will treasure the letter and frame it at the side of William's grave!
I think the most important thing is....
Justice has been done for William.