In case you somehow missed it, Pharma bro and human rat Martin Shkreli was found guilty of securities fraud and conspiracy on August 4. On August 17, Harper's published a transcript of the three-day jury selection process from June, and it is wonderful. It was, as you might imagine, very difficult for Shkreli's lawyer, Benjamin Brafman, to find impartial jurors for the case, since Shkreli is fairly famous for being a total jerk.
Here are a few of the funniest answers that potential-but-then-rejected jurors gave during jury selection.
Juror No. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.
Benjamin Brafman: I’m sorry.
Juror No. 1: I think he’s a greedy little man.
The Court: Jurors are obligated to decide the case based only on the evidence. Do you agree?
Juror No. 1: I don’t know if I could. I wouldn’t want me on this jury.
The Court: Juror Number 1 is excused. Juror Number 18.