Congratulations to this mom on screwing with her son's mind even more than he screws his own hand. It's bad enough to find out your mother is disturbingly well-versed in playful euphemisms for masturbation, worse to discover that she knows you've been applying her beauty products to your genitals, even worse that she's giving you a solution, and worst of all to know you're desperate enough to take it. That is, if you can ever get an erection again after reading this letter.

Sources: Reddit