​Neil deGrasse Tyson Is The Smartest Scientist: A Study

​Neil deGrasse Tyson Is The Smartest Scientist: A Study
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​Neil deGrasse Tyson Is The Smartest Scientist: A Study

by Dan Abromowitz

Introduction

It almost goes without saying that many scientists are very smart. Einstein, for example. However, as in so many scientific pursuits – the search for the highest number, the smallest atom, the very hungriest caterpillar – inquiring minds must ever turn towards determinatorics of the highest magnitude. The world of science is as vast as it is deep, and nearly as wide; it is therefore thus that certain pronouncements must be made periologically by which to hierarchize, ordinate, and prognologicaste the contours of the scientific world.

It is thus, therefore, that we determine which scientist is the smartest scientist, such that subsequently we may know who the smartest scientist is.

Hypothesis: Neil deGrasse Tyson is the smartest scientist.

Methods

Beyond being a no-brainer, Neil deGrasse Tyson's conspicuous smarts as a scientist are on display in a variety of media: his starring role in Cosmos (starring! haha), a TED talk he gave, his very dope and excellent memes, and furthermore moreovers, demonstrating his extremely good scientific methods, and rigor. But is he the smartest one? We compared Neil to a number of his most popular competitors and contemporaries, taking into account viral potency, whether they seem chill and badass, how smart they are, and whether or not they are Neil deGrasse Tyson.

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Results

Bill Nye: "Science Guy," whatever that is. Knows only the most basic science concepts (friction, gravity, etc.). Terrific bone structure. Is frequently on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Real scientist. Knows everything about the known universe. Knows that looks don't matter and what's inside counts. Is constantly on television.

...

Albert Einstein: Knew a lot of science. Known for a whole slew of quotations which he may or may not have said. Often portrayed on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Knows more science. On video saying every smart thing he's ever said. Always portrays himself.

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...

Alan Turing: Father of modern computing. Cracked Nazi codes. Chemically castrated for his sexuality. Not on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: All over the internet, making him the Holy Ghost of modern computing. Born in a world without Nazis, making him untainted by evil. Virile. Is on television.

...

Stephen Hawking: Has a computer at all times to do all his calculations. Lackluster stage presence. Sometimes on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Based on available evidence, does all his calculations in his head. Dynamic and energizing presence. More often on television.

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...

Marie Curie: Spent her whole life goofing around with radioactive material and died. Not on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Would not do that. Is on television.

...

Carl Sagan: Former host of Cosmos. Did drugs. Wrote Contact in which he revealed his belief that aliens will appear to us as our dads, a horrible notion. No longer on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Current host of Cosmos. Hates drugs. America's science dad, and, if he wrote a movie, would have the good sense to cast Matthew McConaughey at the peak of his career, not the nadir. Still on television.

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...

Beakman, from Beakman's World: Pervert, coward. No longer on television.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Gentle giant, trustworthy friend to children the world over. Still on television.

...

Niels Bohr: We don't know who this guy is.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: We know who this guy is!!

Discussion

Neil deGrasse Tyson is the smartest scientist and anyone who says otherwise is probably dumb enough to believe in God.

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Follow Dan Abromowitz on Twitter.

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