Footlong: it has a double meaning, get it? Like, a footlong SANDWICH or a footlong PENIS? Oh, you got it? OK.
New York Post headlines are the most satisfying headlines to ridicule (and obviously, they know that). Jared Fogle, the former Subway spokesman who plead guilty yesterday to child pornography charges, is also an easy target for ridicule. The Post headline above went for the low-hanging fruit just like Jared did. Yes, child pornography is a far worse crime than a headline with a rape joke, but I thought hacky rape jokes were a thing of the past. Get with the times, Post.
The headline manages to perpetuate rape culture while ridiculing a man accused of perpetuating child sex crimes and statutory rape. It's like the Inception of awful rape jokes.
Here are a few alternate options to this headline:
FROM FOOTLONG TO LONG FACE
SUBWAY'S JARED TO TRY OUT A NEW PRISON DIET
WE ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE CREEPY, JARED
At least when The Fat Jew puts this headline on his Instagram everyone will know where it came from.