7 things you should at least pretend to know today.

7 things you should at least pretend to know today.

We get it, you're far too busy and important to read all of the news, so here's a quick and dirty run-down of today's top stories. In less than 5 minutes, you can learn everything you need to know for Wednesday September 28th, 2016.

1. A driver in Oregon got a $136 ticket for using a cardboard cutout of Donald Trump's head to ride in the carpool lane.

The state trooper knew it was a prop because the hair looked too realistic.

2. The Pepe the Frog meme has been designated a hate symbol by the Anti-Defamation League.

Next order of business, make "lol" a curse word.

3. The computer hacker who stole nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton pled guilty today.

At his sentencing, the hacker replied, "See, I told you guys I've seen a girl naked before."

4. A spokesman for the White House called the 9/11 bill veto override "the single most embarrassing thing the Senate has done since 1983."

Not counting The Macarena.

5. The World Health Organization released a report saying 92% of the world breathes polluted air.

The other 8% live at Snoop Dogg's house.

6. SpaceX's Elon Musk revealed his plan to put humans on Mars.

Because we're not all going to fit in Canada after the election.

7. Former presidential candidate Howard Dean is under fire for suggesting Donald Trump's sniffling at the debate could be due to cocaine use.

Dean replied, "Look, if anyone can recognize cocaine use, it's me, YEEAAH!"