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The news is overwhelming. There's too damn much of it! Luckily for those of you with short attention spans, we've combed the internet for everything you should know today, Thursday September 29, 2016.

1. Chipotle to pay $8 million settlement for sexual assault case.

Congratulations to Chipotle on finally having a scandal that does not involve E. Coli.
Congratulations to Chipotle on finally having a scandal that does not involve E. Coli.
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2. Presidential hopeful Gary Johnson struggled to name one world leader he respects.

He can, however, name 5 strains of weed he thinks are pretty boss.
He can, however, name 5 strains of weed he thinks are pretty boss.
Giphy

3. Internet sensation Grumpy Cat will join the cast of the Broadway musical Cats on Friday.

He's as excited about it as your parents were when they found out you were going to major in theater.
He's as excited about it as your parents were when they found out you were going to major in theater.
Giphy