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Thank God it's Friday, and thank God you don't have to read all of the freakin' news on the Internet. Here's everything you need to know for today, Friday September 30th, 2016.

1. The teen who robbed two Phoenix fast food restaurants in a clown mask was arrested by police.

He was charged with two counts of robbery and one count of being terrifying.
He was charged with two counts of robbery and one count of being terrifying.
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2. A Florida man got zapped trying to steal a booby-trapped Trump sign.

It's the least shocking thing that Trump's ever been associated with.
It's the least shocking thing that Trump's ever been associated with.
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3. Hurricane Matthew is now a Category 4 storm.

Expect high-speed winds, confusing statements, and the refusal to wear a shirt.
Expect high-speed winds, confusing statements, and the refusal to wear a shirt.