What is life but a series of embarrassing moments? Luckily, the shame and terror of humiliation are undone somewhat when you realize that other people mess up just as much as you do (or, if you're really lucky, much worse than you). So here you go, connect to other humans and feel better about your own behavior by reading the following, incredibly cringe-worthy stories from strangers on the internet.
1. This guy needs to talk about Kevin.
I was in my kinder class and there was a boy (we will call him Kevin) that always shit himself. My teacher smelled something funny and asked us all who did it. Kevin's best friend (let's call him Jorge) came to Kevin's rescue by going around the entire class and sniffing everyone's ass from the chair they were sitting in. He smells Kevin's ass and says "oh it's not him, he smells like fruit roll ups" then he smells my ass and tells the teacher I shit myself. So the teacher makes me come up to her desk and turn around and proceeds to look down my pants. I was clean. It was Kevin. I'm scarred for life
2. Back2Bach has a story that's like the plot of Four Weddings and a Funeral but opposite and not at all delightful.
The worst was on a busy Saturday where I had 3 funerals and a wedding to play as organist.
By the time the wedding finally arrived after the 3 funerals were over, I must've been tired (or daydreaming) because I played funeral procession music as the bride entered the church, rather than the Trumpet Voluntary, as scheduled.
3. A very hairy story from the aptly named MrPeterNincompoop.
Back in HS sitting at a girls basketball game when I sit down next to one of "the cool guys". I'm trying to be social with him and we start to chat it up about the girls. Well there is one girl on the team who had hypotrichosis (no hair on her entire body). I lean to him and say "well that can't be all bad right?" (Give him the nudge nudge wink wink). He straight face looks at me and says "that's my sister". Most awkward silence of my HS years.
4. No piece about embarrassing moments is complete without this kind of story, from LegendaryBandAide.
Man I've had so many it's hard to choose just one; Sophmore in high school in biology when I suddenly need to use the bathroom, they always had us use sign out sheets so I was signing myself out right in front of my crush's desk. I bent over and arched my back so he'd have a reallll nice view of my ass in my American eagle jeans, even wiggled it a bit, I was a flirt. Get to the bathroom and realize I was just wagging around my period stained ass for the whole world to see. And it was really bad too, like flag of Japan bad. Had to wear my friends sweatshirt around my waist the rest of the day. And I definitely know my crush saw it because he was a really nice guy and said something to my female teacher while I was gone so she could let me know, cringing all over again.
5. This kind sibling "forgot"?!
Forgot my sister was gay when i was drunk, she brought "a friend" to our christmas party. I asked permission in front of the girl if i could make out with the girl.
They've been together 6 years now... They like to bring that up at friends gathering. -shudders-
6. A tender, bonding moment and rite of passage it was, brozoned_forever.
My father stepping into the room while I was watching porn for the first time.
7. Probably the only thing you can say about MVB1837 is that he has a type.
Back in middle school when AIM was a big thing, I was chatting with a girl I had a crush on. She had a hispanic last name.
Anyway, I wanted to send her something I thought was funny. So I did the old CTRL+V and pressed enter in the same motion without checking it first.
Apparently, the last thing I had on my clipboard was 8thStreetLatinas.com. As you may infer from the name, yeah, it's porn. Oddly context-specific porn.
I tried to scramble and think of an excuse. There was none. I think I said "oops, wrong link, no need to click that." May have blamed a computer virus. That sounds like something I would do.
Then I just closed the application in a panic.
Based on her behavior the next day, she absolutely clicked that link and absolutely didn't think it was a virus.
8. The possibility of seeing what happened to bonanzax is pretty much the only reason people go to Sonic.
During high school I worked as a carhop at Sonic. They made us wear roller skates. The first order I ever took out was a huge tray full of route 44 slushes. I shakily skate out and go to step off the curb with the massive tray of drinks and BAM - my ass hits the curb and the slushes go flying. I'm covered in green and purple goo sitting on the curb right in front of the car I was going to take them to all while watching the customers laugh hysterically at me. I think the worst part was when they rolled down the car window to ask me how long it would take for someone else to bring out their order.
9. Just a cool hang sesh with nitesh2410.
I have so damn many. Let me start with this: When I was about 17 or so I was at my wealthy girlfriend's house on a lazy summer afternoon. It's just me and her in their giant house, and my girl decides to take a shower. I'm in her room, pretty bored, when I decide to investigate her underwear drawer. I find a tiny, sequiny, pink thong and decide it would be funny if my 200 lb (well built at the time) self surprised my girl by wearing them. I hear the shower turn off, and a minute later, I hear someone coming down the hallway. I start strutting down the hallway, naked but for this tiny, shiny thong, my mediocre dick and giant balls hanging out of one side of it. And then she sees me. She, the South American housekeeper. I hear half of her frightened gasp before I turn and run back into the bedroom. I avoided this poor woman for the next two years of my relationship with this girl. I do stuff like this all the time.
10. This didn't happen to RaeADropOfGoldenSun. It happened to the other guy.
At Hollister when I was 12. Saw someone dressed exactly like me, went over to say hi, walked directly into a mirror. Turned around, pulled out my phone to text a friend about how dumb I was, immediately walked into another mirror.
11. This was somebody else's most embarrassing story until mynameisRak nobly took the honor.
I was relaxing on some beanbags in the school library and my crush walked by. She tripped on fell on me. She looked ded in my eyes and it was the perfect time to ask her out. Then i farted. this was 3 weeks ago :( sad lyfe
12. Pucker up, Primaldandelion.
I(F) was dropping my best friend(M) off at the airport because he was going to be teaching abroad for over a year. After we got all his stuff out of the car he started leaning towards me. I thought he was going for a kiss on the lips so I went for it. He was not going for a kiss on the lips.
13. Two positively ripping tales from fourtaco.
For some reason I am prone to pants ripping. I've torn straight up the crotch on two separate bowling occasions and once at work. The one at work was bad because we were understaffed that day so I couldn't leave. Instead I added a second apron to the back of my body to cover up for the remaining two hours.
But the worst was when I was fourteen. I went with my family to a religious service and, as we do every year, we sat in the first row in a huge hall with at least three hundred people. I was wearing my best suit. We were told to stand up and when I did, I realized my prayer book was under my chair. So, without creasing, I bent down to pick it up. And in a moment of utter silence my pants gave up the fight and tore, loudly, from nuts to ass.
14. Lilsing: unless you're in the delivery room and there's an OB present, never ask.
I was working at a Bodies Revealed exhibition and this couple was viewing those fetuses in jars, discussing their own baby's development. I gently approached to explain what they were looking at and generally do my job. The woman was on the big side, so of course I wanted to make the exhibit more interesting for them and talk about pregnancy. So I show them around and explain baby development and stuff and she talks about her experience with her own pregnancy. Then, with an innocent smile I asked how far along they were. She answered: "Actually, the baby is already 6 years old, I'm just fat." I think I went from pale to red and back like a Christmas light and appologised like Still embarrased If I think of it. Still sorry.
15. Commando means "covert," unless you're mrstrangecharm, and it doesn't.
The one day I tried going commando I got pantsed. At a fucking school assembly.
16. But hey, GadgetQueen, free soda and popcorn.
Went on a date to a movie. Mid movie I had to get up and use the restroom. Came back into a dark theater and sat down next to the wrong guy. Put my arm around him, took a sip of his drink, and reached my hand into his pop corn before I realized it was the wrong guy. Oh man. I was mortified.