People who work in law enforcement see the darkest, most bizarre sides of humanity on a regular basis. Someone recently posed this question to the law enforcers of Reddit: "What is the craziest "you'll never believe me" story that a suspect / victim told you that actually turned out to be true?" The responses are truly unbelievable. Here are some of the most absurd stories from crime suspects or victims that seem too insane to be real. Although in 2017 we already know literally anything is possible.
1. She's not crazy/just a little misunderstood. Via servicePotato:
Friend of my parents worked for law enforcement as a psychiatrist for a time. An older lady was brought in one day, extremely distressed and yelling how her family wants to see her locked up in a psychiatric ward and take hold of all the silver mines she owns. My parent's friend went through the hassle to check the story, just to be sure. Turned out to be 100% true. Lady was not one bit crazy.
2. Just because you see an elephant doesn't mean you're high af. Via SilverThrone:
Read this in the local paper. I live in a small town in Australia, this guy was out fishing in the Bush when an elephant goes running past. So he reports it to the police who proceed to laugh and ask what he's been smoking. The next day someone came in to report a missing... elephant! It turns out some circus elephants had been retired to a local farm
3. Detective_IRL's story was not a load of garbage after all:
Was on a call about a loose coyote in someone's back yard years ago. My Sergeant at the time and I asked the homeowner for some hot dogs. We made a trail of hot dogs towards a large empty trash can and hid behind it. I'm thinking to myself that this is never gonna work but sure enough, the coyote follows the trail of hot dogs gobbling them up as he goes. We then jump up and flip the trash can over and capture the coyote. Call animal control and when the guy arrives, he asks where the coyote is. I told him we captured it under the trash can and he looks at me with the "yeah ok, bullshit" all over his face. He reluctantly gets down and looks under the can and goes "holy shit how did you capture a coyote under a trash can?!"
4. Things sure looked (and smelled) bad for nhexum:
This actually happened to me and I was very thankful for how everything turned out. I was 19 or 20 and went to Applebees with some co-workers after a shitty retail shift for the half-price apps. They were drinking, I was not because I was underage. As we're getting ready to pay, a co-worker reached over for his check and knocked over a tall beer that was damn near full, straight onto my shirt and lap. No problem, it was an accident, whatever. The staff helped me clean it up and we went on our way but I was still REEKING of Bud Light. On the very first turn out of the parking lot and onto the main road I had to swerve to avoid what looked like a tire in the middle of the lane and immediately I saw the police lights in the mirror and thought I was totally fucked. The officer very obviously smelled the beer but actually took the time to listen to my story (plus my clothes were still damp) and he took me in the back of his car back to the Applebees to confirm the story with the staff. Luckily they all confirmed it was just spilled beer and I hadn't been drinking. He took me back to my car and let me go.
5. This frequent flyer was also a frequent liar, via rlp6028:
A frequent flyer would call in at least once a week telling us people keep wanting to have sex with him and won't leave him alone. We would send someone out there and he would always be alone and it would be unfounded. One night he called and said he was at the store and a man keeps asking to have oral sex with him. We go out there and nobody else is there, but he said the person left and gave us a license plate number that had a local address. We went out there and the address was for a funeral home, the vehicle was a hearse, and the hood was still warm. After talking to the mortician he confessed to soliciting the guy. For once the guy was telling the truth!
6. Astro_Batman on why you shouldn't mix drinking and flying:
So, Dispatch advises my partner and I of a 911 call, where the caller advises there is a "pilot" who parked a "plane" in his yard and then went to the nearby bar. Dispatch advises the caller doesn't speak conversational English and the call was translated via a translation service. Knowing the address is on a lake, I assume there is a mistranslation. Someone probably drove a boat up to his dock and went to the bar.
Partner calls me. He's on the shitter, and going to be a minute. He assumes the same thing regarding translation that I do. That's cool. I arrive first.
Holy shit, it's an actual plane. In his driveway. Specifically a seaplane. Apparently it was driven up the boat ramp, turned off into his driveway, and shut down.
I call my partner. Yeah. You need to come here and see this shit.
Go to the bar. "Who owns the plane?" Drunk guy does. Apparently he was there to visit his friend, landed on the lake, and taxied to his friend's driveway. Except he got addresses mixed up apparently. And now he's drunk so I don't want him to move the plane.
Turns out planes are light and he pushed it to the correct driveway.
7. "These are not my pants!" Via TheFlyingFlash:
As we were cruising around town we spotted a guy (Jim) wanted for questioning in relation to breaching an intervention order. He was in the passenger seat of a car with some other guy we didn't know(Bob).
We pull the car over, arrest Jim and put him in the back of our car. As we're searching his car and Bob (Jim was one of our local drug dealers) I find a point of ice in Bobs pocket. So I'm telling Bob he's under arrest for drugs and he looks me dead in the eye and says "Officer, I swear to god, these are not my pants'
I almost laughed in his face. "You can't be serious. That's the best you can come up with?" But again he said "I swear to god, these are not my pants and that's not my drugs"
Apparently Jim and Bob had a big night drinking at Jims house and Bob had 'misplaced' his pants before passing out. When they woke up Bob grabbed the first pair or jeans he found and drove Jim into town for some Maccas totally unaware of the drug in his pocket.
A likely story if I ever heard one. So I open up our car and ask Jim.
"Are they your pants?" "Yeah they are, he couldnt find his own"
"Can you tell me about anything that was in those pants?" "Oh shit! Yeah the point that I didn't smoke yesterday!"
Jim made full admissions to owning both the pants and the drugs while Bob was happily free to go.
Everyone needs a friend like Jim.
8. Horses make the worst upstairs neighbors. Via jbak31:
My uncle, who has spent most of his life in law enforcement, and dealt with stabbings and decomposed people in bathtubs, among other things, talked about this noise complaint they had to investigate once. An old lady called in to complain about her upstairs neighbors. She lives alone on the 17th floor of an apartment building, and according to her, there are "horses moving around upstairs". And she's very upset about that. They deal with troubled people on occasion, so they have to go check on the lady, to make sure she's OK, and check if the neighbors are having a party that's gotten out of hand. They arrive, it's a nice building in a well-to-do area, they go up to her apartment, she has them stand there and listen. They listen, and there is absolutely nothing, no noise, no sounds, just dead silence. She gets agitated and they get a bit concerned about her, ask her if she's on any medications, if any relatives come by to check on her and so on. The old lady gets very upset and frustrated, and insistent that there ARE horses upstairs. They tell her they will go up and talk to the neighbors and ask them to keep it down if they are making too much noise that is bothering her. They go upstairs, knock, a young woman opens the door, they ask her about noise and such, she denies making any noise, and denies knowing anything about anything, they talk to her a bit, ask if they can come in, she's hesitant, they talk more, then she just shakes her head and says fine. Go look. They go look... there are 2 horses in the apartment. Her husband brought them into a spare room because they sold their old house where they kept their horses and haven't yet closed on the new one, and for whatever reason he didn't want to pay to house them elsewhere or didn't want to be apart from them. The best part is the building has 24 hour security. They go downstairs to talk to security, hey, you know you have 2 grown horses in a unit on the 18th floor. Everyone is perplexed, no, nobody saw anything and have no idea how that could have happened.
In conclusion, friends: believe everything you hear.