Polite neighbor ThisShitIsNotFunMan swears he was trying to keep things cordial with his new neighbors at the condominium community where he recently bought property. Alas, an entitled resident broke his sense of decency down to its dark smelly center after she refused to pick up after her dog.
In our hero's own words.
About a couple of months ago, this woman moved in a few units over with a large boxer. Having two large dogs myself, I was happy to see more big dogs in the area (most the people around here have little foofy dogs).
One day, I walked outside to see a large pile of dog shit and this lady hastily walking away. I called out kindly - "excuse me ma'am, please clean up after your dog". She looked back, gave me a sour look, and continued walking away.
Okay, whatever, no big deal. I'll give her a freebie this time so I cleaned up after her and threw it away trying to be a good neighbor.
Everyone gets one free poop.
I let the first one slide, but this happened FIVE MORE TIMES IN THE SAME WEEK. Finally I confronted her and said "ma'am, I'm sick of cleaning your dogs shit and stepping around it every day. Please clean it up."
I shit you not, and I wish I was exaggerating. She looked me right in the eye and said "I paid for a condo too, I'll leave my shit wherever I want". She then briskly walked off while I stood in shock.
This is about where many of us would be looking into how much the insurance policy would provide if we just burned the place to the ground, but ThisShitIsNotFunMan had a better plan.
The poop plan.
Finally, I snapped. So I began to save every piece of shit that dumb bitch left in front of my house for around two straight months. I had a HEFTY GARBAGE BAG FULL OF IT (imagine what you use to clean leaves up in, it was that big). I won't lie, I threw quite a bit of my own dog's excrement in there for good measure. I mean come on, just her dog wasn't going to cover the amount needed. That bag was FUCKING. HEAVY.
He kept a sack of poop in his house?
Our narrator says not exactly, the condos come with individual cellars that provided the perfect poop-bag hiding spot until he was ready for phase two of his revenge.
Two months later...
I waited until 4 am on Monday morning before I walked up to her condo and dumped that bag right on her small tiny condo lawn. It was worth every second of patience.
Sure enough, come 7 am there's a bang on my door - and it's my lovely neighbor.
"You need to come fucking clean this shit up RIGHT NOW!" - she screamed in my face.
I smiled "sorry ma'am, I paid for a condo here too. I'll leave my shit wherever I want."
Omg. The look on her face must have been priceless.
So you're probably wondering, didn't this guy get in trouble for dumping pounds of poop on his neighbor's doorstep? Nope. The lady tried to complain to the condo association, but by that time she had pissed off so many residents that she had a file built against her for being a terrible neighbor. You can read all the details here.
Payback's a bitch.