Whether you're in your post-college years or in your mid-forties and sleeping in your old room at your parents' house, the roommate situation is a hotbed of hostility and spoiled-food-borne illness. Eventually, the unwashed dishes and random pubic hair discoveries become too much to bear, and accusations and apologies are exchanged in pointed, often wonderfully clever notes. Here are some of our favorites that reveal way too much about the gross ways in which non-sex-having humans tend to co-habitate.
Please be chocolate, please be chocolate… (via)
In the prison yard, mugs equal prestige. (via)
Nobody loves the fridge! (via)
I've made the same list when I was stone sober. (via)
This is an aristocratic household. Kettle Corn only! (via)
This could lead to your broke roommate supplementing his income by stuffing rags down the toilet every morning. (Via)
Your roommates are here for you Fat Dan. Helping you is delicious. (Via)
The day Rob helped Matt go from arachnophobe to agoraphobe. (Via)
It's a fun living situation when everyone gets their own tp-buying logo. (Via)
These dudes should offer their services to help fight Matt and Rob's spiders. (Via)
By the looks of Alex, it might never be alcoholism for him. (via)
Sounds like a fair, creepy deal. (via)
The title begins with "Roommate took Adderall..." (via)
When grieving over Buffy's loss gets awkward. (via)
Card? He deserves a trophy. (via)
To clarify, Jesse's mom makes pies, does not want him dead. (via)
This may as well say "look in the garage!" (via)
Not all Dads are comfortable saying "I love you." (via)
"Mom/Dad [illegible]" - Your Drunk Daughter (via)
Thanks for the heads up, Richard. (via)
Letter from a Birmingham kitchen. (via)
She forgot the part about cake. (via)
Noted, Grumpy Roommate. (via)
When Dad finds Mom's to-do list. (via)
I would leave it on just for the thrill of it. (via)
That's like a regular stopper, only angrier. (via)
This is going to be one paranoid flu season. (via)
Looks like one steak will do. (via)
Passive, aggressive, and beautiful. (via)
Definitely beats a sticky note. (via)
To err is human, to forgive is bacon. (via)
Looks like we need bananas... and paper. (via)
Shitty poetry. (via)
On the other hand, brownies! (via)
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pops. (via)
And look for an apartment like you live with a psycho. (via)
Typical delicious/aggressive behavior. (via)
A few more letters and it would've been done, dick. (via)
Fucking love you too, Dad. (via)
Thanks for the "$5.00," Colleen! (via)
A stoner roommate could read that the wrong way. (via)
Impressive, if he actually reached the milk.(via)
Why, when there's a perfectly usable sheet left? (via)
Too good to be mad about. Unless it's not head hair. (via)
Hope he likes cold pizza. (via)
That looks oddly delicious. Also, "honeys" count as roommates when they act like this.
The artist couldn't sign his work due to a broken hand. (via)
My instincts tell me that was no accident. (via)
Or, you could've just written "pay bills." (via)
A sign that you're probably too old to have roommates. (via)
"I could change the roll, or take out my phone and..." (via)
It's impossible to read that without hearing his voice. (via)
It's the thought that counts. (via)
Thanks for the pancakes, Mr. Pinkman. (via)
The man in the mirror is a huge dick. (via)
Yep, that says "puke." (via)
Even his notes stink. (via)
First line of the worst porno ever. (via)
Mistakes are life's tasty lessons. (via)
"Why yes, toilet paper roll, I -- dammit!" (via)
The old "How to Get Your New Roommate Naked with a Spider Note" trick. (via)
"Ew, ew, Captain." (via)
Good luck with that auto-erotic asphyxiation. (via)
TL;DR already packing my stuff. (via)
I guess the short answer is "maybe?" (via)
Great weed. Bad idea. (via)
You would, dick head. (via)
"Who's been slut-shaming my soda?" (via)
How many ways are there to use a plunger, Kevin? (via)
I've always wondered how to play craps. (via)
I bet this guy is high maintenance. (via)
If a sock means "sex," I don't want to know what this is for. (via)
I've had roommates that would see this and think "pan roasted dove!" (via)
This message is probably more for the guys. (via)
Smart Water for a smart ass. (via)
How a true butthole pays his rent. (via)
Given a choice, I'd rather eat pizza that the cats nibbled on. (via)
Things can't be that bad if you're still getting wi-fi. (via)
If these get eaten it's time for a new roommate. (via)
Not bad, but it may get confusing when you try to store poops. (via)
It that's where they keep the milk, tossing it might not be a bad idea. (via)
Not cool. But at least you get to eat the Pixie Sticks. (via)
Ouch. You just got out passive-aggressioned.
Um...are there drugs in it?
In this case, honesty is the weirdest policy.
Pretty nice of them to capture it, actually.
They don't. Someecards probably does, though.
No smiley face, Cindy?
Also, boyfriends are like dirty clothes; don't leave yours on the floor.
"I feel more comfortable complaining about the notes by note."
I'm impressed it responds to anything at all.
Great method for dealing with lazy ant roommates.
Then I have to get my shit together enough to actually clean it. Two-three weeks?
Pretty cheap for either.
You don't need to have roommates for this to be a terrific idea.
The most considerate possible reaction to finding your roommate peed all over the floor.
Seems like a much, much grosser solution than just flushing.
The spider was in the midst of writing his own tiny note:
"Got stuck in god damn cereal today...fuck."
Because pooping just isn't exciting enough.
Chris may be going to the gay club, but he likes boobs, you understand?
Not sure that post-script was necessary.
Hunter, live up to your name!
Better than: "Give a call or you might see a ball."
He died as he lived: with power tools.
But evidently not magnetic poetry.
Yeah right, like anyone's gonna steal a Lean Pocket over a French bread pizza.
With the cost of avocados today, that's only about a quarter for your trouble.
Please clean up your insects after yourself.
Ooh, burned by a white board meme.
Also I prefer to be called Reginald, thanks.
Now that's just common disgusting courtesy.
It's worth it! It's stifling in here!
We wouldn't want to be part of such a hairy roommate arrangement.
Why write 3 separate notes when all your issues can be encompassed in one?
Monday night is trashnacht.
Clint starts fires!
As far as we're concerned, as long as his penis only touched the outside, it's still good.
Wait. We have a cat?
And bread and to come to terms with our parents' divorce.
We'd honestly prefer this type of sign to be set up on all tp-less toilets.
4. Have craziest night ever!
It's the number for his Murderers Anonymous group.
No matter how bad they are, we still want one.
Unfortunately, that stuff looks like what's been on CNN every day.
"FapNapping" needs no translation.
So, I'll just leave the knives there...and this note you can't read in the dark.
We'd rather be hunted by teens than chase a spider.
Sorry. Cat available for petting trumps human in need of sleeping.
We stopped trusting you when you left us something to flush.
This could work out really well for the boyfriend.
Aim for the head.
How does the artist know the shitter is jubilant?
Like that Al Pacino movie "Insomnia," except with smellier fingers.
She has loud sex that she has to apologize for AND access to cinnamon rolls? Want her life.
Doing dishes sucks. We'll take the cocks.
Just do it, no matter what "it" may be.
Also enrolled you in a scientology course, hope that's cool!
No one is more concerned about Susie collecting cat piss than the cat.
Not going to try and prove you wrong.
Joe already gives his teeth Flintstone chewables. He shouldn't be doubling up.
Many roommates have lost themselves in the endless piss-seat loop.
Ben Kingsley was excellent in this kitchen.
This is considerate, and it doesn't judge those who do want such things.
Who can keep from passing out long enough for a hot pocket to cook?
The roommate is staring at that last sip, checking his watch, waiting...waiting...
How can we add "or when you're awake" to the deal?
8:40, or, if you're into it, 8:45. Whatever works for you. I'm not a "rules" guy. Oops, vomiting.
Lease plainly states, "Write your 30 days notice on some cardboard before moving out."
Jeff is bad at bribes.
11) No asking why I am this way. Just know that I have been hurt before and it won't happen again.
Raisin Bran tastes so much better carbonated.
High people tell the worst stories.
No wonder Michael's catch-phrase is "I prefer to stand."
Thank God "Peanut butter 4 my balls" wasn't included in "Sandwich Stuff."
I think you're confusing your your Sammy LJ roles but the point still stands.
Average male-female rooming ratio: 80% of the fridge belongs to female, 80% consumed by male.
Does her/his roommate only have one fork? That might be the larger problem.
That means you, Alex. I'm saving this spider for when I get up in the morning!!!
Let's just hope that there is an emergency and this person's life is improved by cleansing fire.
Thank you, Jay. Jaq? Jag? The point is, what a polite note of depravity.
Prophet Eric earlier prophesied a wrathful plague of deleted DVR episodes, and verily 'twas true.
And it was then Chris realized the Boyz would never advance 2 Men.
Everyone spent the next few days walking very gingerly around the apartment.
And you thought younger generations don't send thank you notes anymore.
And from then on, Sajid would never wear underwear ever again.
T.J really likes to sleep if the main issue with someone peeing on the floor is the noise it makes.
Thanks Brendon. Enjoy...um..."Fagtown?"
Use the wings you've been given to fly far away by the end of the month.
Nothing tears apart an apartment share like a baked good suicide.
If you have time to learn to read and write in English, you have time to clean your own puke.
Cockjuggling used to be big before Puppetry Of The Penis swept the nation.
He seems like a good listener.
Trickle down government is trickling really far.
In our day a sock on the door handle meant "I Hope You Die" but we were classier then.
Guess "All Of The Above" is fair game then?
Sad thing is the cashier at CPK wrote that.