Tattoo artists (and friends of tattoo artists, and people who know tattoo artists) are sharing stories on Reddit of the gnarliest things they have ever been paid to permanently etch into human skin with indelible ink. These are cautionary tales. They are tales of terrible dad jokes, reckless youths, and most of all, regret.
1. UnclePepperpoty's underage acquaintance overdid it.
A guy i know has a tattoo of Roman numerals with his date of birth running down his forearm.
The problem is - he wasn't old enough to get one at the time so lied on the form he had to fill out, and as a result, he now has a tattoo with the WRONG date of birth on his arm!!
2. Sheephound's buddy had too much fun with the pun.
Buddy of mine in the Army got a rooster hanging from a noose tattooed on his calf so he could say he had a cock that hung below his knee.
First year military tattoos are no joke.
3. Crackedrepair's friend has the dreamcatcher of nightmares.
4. KeytarPlatypus's friend has an elaborate (but offensive) Dad Joke inked into his skin.
My buddy has tear drops on the sides of his middle fingers. Anytime someone complains to him he puts them up to his eyes and makes a pouty face.
5. SleezyForRonWeasley has the sleeziest pun yet.
My tattoo artist told me that another guy in their shop had recently tattooed boxing gloves on a woman's vagina(in her 50s). It was for her husband's birthday and she said it was so he could beat her pussy up.
6. How do you say "awesome" in Huttese? d4nks4uce's cousin must know.
7. ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES has the truth about Extreme Darts.
A girl wanted me to make her nipples in to targets, black and red circles around them.
Yeah, not proud of that one.
8. piknick1994's artist created a business opportunity with their anus and ink.
Asked my artist this. He told me that years ago some stripper came in looking to have vines and roses tattooed on that would come out of her butthole and curl up her back. He asks why not just get the roses on her back and butt, but she insists it must come out of her anus. He reluctantly does the tattoo for a a high price and said it looked pretty good too. But curiosity got the better of him after a while and he asks why she insists on having it come out of her butthole.
Her response was both the strangest and smartest reasoning I could have heard for such a tattoo. She would dance and she figured the guys would ask "hey how far does that tat go" to which she could say "for ten bucks I'll show you". So the dudes pay up a ten spot, she shows her asshole real fast and done deal. She's richer and they looked at an asshole. My tattoo artist is not proud of that job.
9. It's too late for Iztinx's client.
When I was an apprentice we had a "DJ" that performs at a lot of local clubs call our studio just as I was walking out the door, my ears perked up immediately as I gathered that much from our receptionist on the phone and took the call. Obviously with intention of getting a good bit of exposure amongst the club scene once he posts on his social media. He wanted a messy looking smiley face (like his own kind of blink 182 kind of thing) normally I'd arrange a consult and make a booking but he was desperate to have it right there and then no matter the cost. I told him to come straight down and I'll have a couple designs made up for him once he gets here. 30 minutes later he comes flying through the door and runs to my desk, he's covered in green dye and different colors from powder bombs and confessed he doesn't actually want the smiley face on his hip but "I DID IT FOR THE SNAPCHAT" in "that font from the Drake cover". Looking at his arms he was already covered in crap from backyard scratchers and it helped me justify doing it. While doing the tattoo he explained to me he was getting it for a competition a club was doing amongst djs to see who could promote the clubs new name change on social media the best and win a contract to get to perform there for a period of time. His first antic was sculling 3 litres of milk with green dye in it until he threw up, second was just a powder bomb war and lastly wanted to go to the extreme of getting the tattoo. I finished the piece and kindly asked him if he could not promote myself or the studio for obvious reasons. He was over the moon and loved it, paid the agreed amount and ran back out to see what he could do next. What I was unaware of was the girl that came in with him that I thought was his gf actually worked for this club and was snapchatting the whole thing through the businesses account. I didn't know about this until me and my partner brought up how our days were, and she showed me the snap story promptly after I'd told her about the whole thing. I didnt chase them up at all and just took it on the chin. Now I use it as a reminder to only ever accept things that I'm happy to put my name to.
Edit just to add. He didn't win.