"I don't see the connection, do you babe? Now put your leg up on the 'door close' button."
In an elevator, what goes up, must come down (and go up again). But what goes down in an elevator must come back in the form of a passive-aggressive note from your neighbor. We're not taking the elevator-fornicators' side in this, and definitely not the elevator-farters' sides. Everyone should get to have sex in an elevator once, and most security guards, we believe, respect that right. But don't abuse elevator sex privileges, because it ruins it for everyone. As for screaming and farting and other non-sexual bodily emissions — just wait until you're alone and near your destination floor. But if we can only agree on one thing, it's that people on floor two are the absolute worst people on the planet.
This is the War and Peace of "Don't Fart In Here" signs.
This, on the other hand, is an elegant haiku of fat-shaming.
Great way to stop guys on low floors from hogging the elevator.
The Park Lane Elevator Repair Company - great PR department, terrible repair department.
They even got Mr. PH to sign the petition, and he doesn't think anyone else deserves the elevator.
Also, anyone passing by 4 in the elevator on the way to 6 and above.
Can't blame him for 'dicks' typo, since he misspelled 'thanks' and 'Gary', and is probably the dog.
Apparently, wheelchair people who live on 2 still don't get a break.
We don't care how you make rent, but we're taking your 'deposits' out of your security deposit.