Perfect for transforming your temporary emotions into a convenient, irreversible decision!

Now, I realize that this is not an actual infomercial for Gun!. I know it is, in reality, a parody ad from NYC-based sketch group The Bilderbergers. But I saw it last night at 4 am during one of my usual bouts of depression-induced insomnia, and it did a pretty good job of distracting me from my maddening obsession with giving my life meaning by making some kind of indelible mark upon the world.

So, I think I'm gonna get one! I just have to get my dog's permission first.

Sources: The Bilderbergers