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Searching for a roommate is stressful in and of itself, but having to resort to living with a complete stranger brings the stress to a whole new level. What if they like to walk around naked? What if they never clean their hair out of the shower drain? What if they like to play Nickelback nonstop? Only the truly desperate will turn to Craigslist to look for a roommate in a pinch, risking it all for some cheap housing.

We're all familiar with the tropes of the housing section of Craigslist— it is filled with people who either want to have sex with you or want to harvest your organs (or both). But that is just urban legend, right? Right!?

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Well, after reading these 10 weird real Craigslist posts, you will probably agree that you are better off living alone.

1. You can live in this creepy Chicago-are home if you abide by the homeowner's many bizarre rules.

The post begins with a simple enough title: “Roommate needed for relaxed household (Logan Square).” It is accompanied by this picture of a creepy shed type thing, which should be the first sign to click out immediately.

Craiglist via The Daily Dot

But if you made it past that unsettling photograph, you get to the real scary part of the post— the many bizarre rules put in place by the OP.

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1, that sierra mist in the fridge is prescription soda and you may not have any. 2, if i ring the triangle in the kitchen it means you have to go to bed no matter what time it is. 3, you may have friend over but they have a 250 word limit. after that they’re not allowed to speak for the rest of their visit.

Well, those few sentences are enough to give anyone the heebie-jeebies, but things manage to get even heebie-jeebies, but things manage to get even more odd.

if you want to live with me you cant be taller than me and if you wear socks you better not zap me with static electricity or you’re gone. got a bike? good. once a week youre gonna ride it in the street and let me sit on the handlebars
240 a month, no utilities, if you do the dishes I’ll put a poisonous frog in your bed
roommate wanted for relaxed household of young working professionals. 420 friendly but dont you fuckin dare say any other numbers in this house
you can’t own an even number of shoes. no Indian visitors for more than one hour.
see that shower curtain? never ever touch it. if it’s closed you come get me and i pull it back so you can shower
once a week we drag our beds into the living room and sleep out there. you may not go to bed before me nor may you get out of bed before i do
if you say good morning to me you must then explain whats so good about it or i will send you back to your room
also you must put a pillow over your face when you sleep as i do not care to hear you breathing

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Ultimately, this entire post is probably just a joke made by someone who has plenty of extra time on their hands but is probably best not to inquire within. Read the entire post here.

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2. You know things are weird when someone has to clarify they that are not looking for a sex slave in their ad.

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3. Yes, the fact that this subletter has 16 cats is weird. But their other two "roommates" are what puts this ad over the edge.

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4. Usually you ask for room dimensions when moving into a new place. Not this person!

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5. Okay, let's take a break from all the weird sex stuff and read this post from the most enthusiastic "nomad" ever.

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6. Annnnd we're back to the weird sex stuff.

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7. This one is short, sweet, and creepy as hell.

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8. This place is a steal— if you're willing to do what it takes to get the "discount."

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9. This ad takes an unexpected turn. Don't sit on the furniture.

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10. This last ad starts with the line "This offer is not for everyone." True.

This ad for an "unconventional offer for adventurous home owner in Vancouver" is great for small children, paleontologists, or those who just really love Jurassic Park.

This offer is not for everyone.

In exchange for your properties, I will be your personal dinosaur for one year. I will be at your beck and call, 24 hours a day, wearing a dinosaur costume. The type of dinosaur is negotiable. I can babysit your children (references upon request), scare the mailman, wash the dishes, impress your guests, and much more (no sex stuff though, sorry). I will make realistic dinosaur sounds, eat what the particular dinosaur eats and maybe even sit on a fake dinosaur egg if you are so inclined. I am well educated, fluent in English and French (as well as dinosaur), can play several musical instruments and have no criminal record or outstanding warrants.

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The post ends with a hilariously ironic "serious offers only please."

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On second thought, maybe living in your parent's basement forever is not such a bad thing after all.