If you follow this list, you can do EVERYTHING — and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to block your truth shine.
You can do this all the time... if you know how to prioritize everything. (via Thinkstock)
Whether you're reading about fitness, dieting, friends, family, home improvement, personal development, or reaching career goals, the advice is almost always the same — you have to make the things that matter to you a priority. But when everything's a priority, how do you prioritize your priorities?
You could focus on a small handful things that are the most important to you, doing a great job at those and leaving yourself time to relax and just be. But the person who does that sounds like a boring loser! If you're reading this list, I bet you're the kind of awesome person who wants to do more with his day and surround himself with motivational art he found on clearance at TJ Maxx. (“Work for beauty in your beliefs, and your tomorrow will become today's truth!!!!")
Good for you! This list will help you making all of your priorities a priority.
1. Make reading this list a priority.
Hey, dummy — how are you ever going to prioritize anything else in your life if you can't even prioritizing reading a list? If you're even thinking about bookmarking this for later, just go away. You'll never be successful with that attitude!
2. Adopt a productivity mantra.
A mantra that you can repeat to yourself during tough times can help you power through and remember why you're working so hard. Try one of these:
- If I fail, everyone will hate me.
- If I stop working, I'll have time to think about who I am as a person, and I don't want to do that.
- I am only lovable because the amount of work I accomplish.
3. Sleep less.
At the end of each day, our stupid bodies turn into cocoons of unconsciousness — but when we wake up, none of us ever have butterfly wings, we just have a bunch of time we missed out on! That's why you should say NO to sleep, and say YES to caffeine, speed, and doing the uberman sleep schedule, where you sleep for 20-minute chunks every four hours. If you ever feel tired, stand in front of the mirror and repeat “It's hard to kill the game while the game is asleep" until Tony Robbins appears in the mirror and tells you that you're doing great.
A woman who has made it a priority to work on her priorities. (via Thinkstock)
4. Never just eat.
There's a word for people who focus on their food when they're eating: failures. Consume all of your meals while completing another task, whether it's commuting, exercising, or having sex. After all, you know what people who prioritize everything say — you haven't really made love until you've made love while drinking a green smoothie!
5. Meditate correctly.
People might try to tell you that meditation doesn't provide any special insights — just that the act of sitting in awareness can, over time, help stabilize your mind. Wrong! People who say you can't get any special insights from meditating are just lying to keep their special meditation insights secret! If you meditate correctly, you will learn the secret to being the best at everything. If you don't figure out how to be the best at everything while meditating, you should consider yourself a broken failure.
6. Make a schedule and stick to it.
Bad time management is one of the main reasons people are not able to prioritize all of their priorities. That's why you should schedule every waking moment of your day to the last minute. For example, your morning should look something like this:
Great job! There is no free time in there to wonder about whether all of this productivity actually makes you happy or not.
7. Never, ever second guess your decision to do everything.
The moment that happens is the moment you stop doing and start thinking. You know who thought a lot? The Unabomber. Live your life like a shark — always moving forward, never stopping, and violently gnashing your two rows of horrible teeth at anyone or anything who tries to get you to slow down.. This is your life — live it until you run your dumb body into the ground at an early age!