The Olympics are about pure, amateur sport and pure, corporate control over every millisecond of broadcast, so here (thanks to NBC) is every piece of footage they allowed to be uploaded to YouTube. We can bring you all the tweets from the Opening Ceremony, we can cover the internet's freak-out over Tonga's shirtless flag-bearer, and even bring you pictures of all the best national outfits, but ultimately we are all digital Olivers hoping NBC will give us some more. Here's everything you missed from the Opening Ceremony that you can see:
1. The ceremony began with these beautifully terrifying insect sculptures symbolizing Brazil's wildlife.
2. Moving up from the floor of the Amazon, this ribbon dance symbolizes "Brazil's culture and diverse geography."
3. Headed towards the cities, these acrobats wowed the crowd by tumbling over a floor that appeared to come to life thanks to digital projection.
4. After a dance routine where white, lit boxes were carried off a stage symbolizing São Paulo, the stadium saw a recreation of a canvas-and-wood plane built by Brazilian flight pioneer Alberto Santos-Dumont. (Whom they say beat the Wright Brothers to flight.)
6. International modeling superstar Gisele Bundchen ended her modeling career with this stadium-length catwalk, symbolizing Brazil's tradition of international modeling superstars.
7. Of course, there's Tonga's flag-bearer, Taekwondo competitor Pita Taufatofua.
8. Led by the all-time goldest Olympian Michael Phelps, Team USA brought the biggest delegation in Olympic history, and the crowd proved the world still digs us.
9. Although not the hometown favorites, the Refugee team got massive applause for representing people who had to flee their hometowns.
10. Actually the hometown favorites, the crowd went wild for Team Brazil.
11. Team Brazil then helped in the flag-raising ceremony.
12. Before a little boy demonstrated the Samba to a worldwide chorus of "aww"s.
13. And then the buildings are transformed into the rainforest and fireworks as the Olympic Rings are revealed.
14. And finally, the Olympic Flame found a home that is even cooler than the sun-filled orb from the opening of Game of Thrones.
And that was the Olympic Opening Ceremony (to the extent we can show it to you)!