Assistant equipment co-manager Dougie Spoons knows the meaning of New England Patriotism.

This cold open sketch from SNL is probably the closest we will get to a real answer on what happened two Sundays ago when the Patriots were accused of using under-inflated balls in their AFC championship game against the Indianapolis Colts. At this point, the blizzard hitting the Northeast is the closest the Patriots will get to a punishment. The sketch nails Bill Belichick's sudden image as a hands-off manager and Tom Brady's new identity as a functional moron who keeps marrying supermodels.

In this world, however, we get to meet the fall guy, assistant equipment Dougie Spoons—although it seems to me that by falling on the grenade for Tom and Bill, Dougie is less like Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men and more like that kid who gets kicked out of school in Scent of a Woman.

Sources: Saturday Night Live