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Look, I'm not going to tell you to buy any of this stuff, but if you can make it through the entire post without buying anything, you should move to a sanctuary in Tibet because you've got monk-like self-control. Either that or I want you to come mange my savings and personal budget.

1. This swimsuit is designed to make you look like you have a hairy chest.

This thing was actually on Shark Tank, if you can believe it. You can get it from Amazon for $50.

2. This floating ramp lets you prevent little critters from drowning in your pool.

Get it from Amazon for $21.

3. This pirate-leg sharpener is honestly just too good.

More like pencil ShARRRRRRpenr, AMIRITE? Get it from Amazon for $8.

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4. This heat-changing mug is able to tell you when your coffee is in desperate need of a refill.

Get it from Amazon for $8.

5. This wall clock is great for anyone who never shows up anywhere on time.

Get it from Amazon for $15.

6. This rolling pin is guaranteed to uniformly flatten your dough so your pizza crust doesn't look like a Picasso.

Get it from Amazon for $16 (available in multi-color, and blue).

7. These egg pods kind of look like aliens hatching their young, but they're actually for making perfect poached eggs every time.

Get a set of four for $8.

8. These adorable and affirmation cards are a great way to pick yourself up out of a hole.

Get them (a pack of 50) from Amazon for $12.51.

9. These genuine leather handmade cord organizers. will keep you from having to play the "untangle my earbuds game" six times per day.

Get it from Amazon for $7.

10. This piggy steamer will stop food from splattering all over the inside of your microwave, while also being cute.

Get it from Amazon for $15.

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11. These trash panda, I mean, raccoon earrings are pretty dope.

Get them from Amazon for $6.

12. A corn stripper is a great way to eat your corn on the cob without needing to floss for three hours afterwards.

Interesting Review: "Corn stripper might be my favorite type of stripper next to a regular stripper." Get it from Amazon for $14.

13. Snorlax slippers are great for Pokémon fans and any perpetual sleeper looking for a spirit animal to wear around the house.

Get them from ThinkGeek for $29.99.

14. These earrings that perfectly capture your relationship with drinking too much wine.

Get them from Amazon for $11.99.

15. This smartphone attachment lets you take better selfies of your dog.

Trust me, your IG friends will thank you. Get it from Firebox for $18.59.

16. These earrings are made to hold your airpods in place while you're exercising, or having sex while listening to music for some reason.

Get them from Fab for $48.

17. These gum magnets are a cute way to leave a note while also making someone temporarily believe you vandalized their property.

Get them from Amazon for $7.41.

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18. This "UNT" mug, which I can only assume means University of North Texas.

`Get it from Firebox for $12.

19. These abusive balloons are a great way to deflate a party.

Get them on Firebox for $9.

To be clear, we may earn a small percentage of the revenue generated from sales of these items.

Sources: Pizzabottle