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Most of them aren't even of sex.

Now that 50 Shades of Grey is out, the biggest complaint is that it's about as sexy as an IUD insertion. The movie's central storyline is a BDSM relationship, but the two leads have the chemistry of two people struggling to make small talk at a wake. If you've been disappointed by the most hyped faux-porno on earth, here's 12 scenes to get your erotic imagination cranking again. Real connections being made between some compelling protagonists.

1. This turtle making sweet love to a shoe.

A story of unrequited love, exploding into physical passion. Even though the shoe's just lying there, this is sexier than being smacked with a pearl-handled whip.