This is what they're fighting for — overweight unicorns with beautiful bodily expulsions.
What does a unicorn have to eat to experience that kind of "accident?" We're guessing some kind of magical, mythical version of nachos. Or just a bowl of Lucky Charms with the milk switched out for bourbon? Gisell went the extra mile, unlike this kid, and we're sure she made this soldier's day. We hope he writes back with a drawing of a unicorn that made sure to take some Immodium before binge eating.