Welcome to This Week in GOOP, where Gwyneth Paltrow proves she's not one of us by actually getting along with her ex.

We start with an article called Why Fermented Foods Matter. I was hoping this would reveal why I should drink wine with breakfast, lunch and dinner (or rather, why wine should be breakfast, lunch and dinner) but alas, it's just a very long piece discussing the virtues of eating things like kimchi and sauerkraut.

There are some interesting tidbits here, but my primary takeaway was learning “clean-eating coach" is a real job someone really has.

What does this person do? I'm picturing her following me around and blowing a whistle every time I have a Slurpee and yelling QUINOA, MAGGOT! DO YOU EAT IT? Which sounds super stressful. Now I need a "relaxation coach." (This is another term for "bartender.")

Next, Gwynnie highlights the website Given her description – “it speaks to the legions of dads out there who are interested in obsessing online about their little ones" – I was prepared for the male version of those ultra-annoying mommyblogs, but I was totally wrong.

Sources: GOOP