This Week in GOOP: Gwyneth's newsletter showcases summer outfits you'd never wear.

This Week in GOOP: Gwyneth's newsletter showcases summer outfits you'd never wear.
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Welcome to This Week in GOOP, where Gwyneth Paltrow makes the news just for wearing the same thing twice.

Fresh off the announcement that Gwynnie launched a new take-out food business, she talks to Dr. Laura Lefkowitz about why most diets fail. And if you can get past statements like diet-induced changes in gene expression can influence network interactions and cellular information flow, you'll find some good (if occasionally complicated) information.

Now that you're all motivated to lose weight, let's ruin it by making some Dungeness crab rolls and lobster pot pie.

This Week in GOOP: Gwyneth's newsletter showcases summer outfits you'd never wear.

I mention these because not only do they look delicious, it doesn't seem like you'd need a Le Cordon Bleu-trained chef or a Food Network pantry with dozens of items to construct them. Which makes me wonder if Gwynnie's slipping here.

But never fear. She rights the wrongs with this week's fashion choices.

Let's start with a $450 pair of shorts that look like the kind of thing my grandmother used to give me on my birthday until I introduced her to the magical world of gift cards.

This Week in GOOP: Gwyneth's newsletter showcases summer outfits you'd never wear.

The description says they "strike a happy balance between pants and short shorts," but I have to question the use of "happy" here because these shorts are what would happen if clinical depression were made of silk and worn by embarrassed models.

And speaking of sad, here's a mopey outfit consisting of wool culottes ($495) and a high-necked satin blouse ($495). Because wool and satin are perfect summer fabrics, you see.

This Week in GOOP: Gwyneth's newsletter showcases summer outfits you'd never wear.
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I like to imagine the photos are an action montage of the model seeing herself in a mirror and then quickly walking away to take that shit off while cussing out the stylist over her shoulder.

Finally, remember last week when I told you about that 30% GOOP shop discount? It only lasted a few days, but it's back -- sort of. As long as you're buying something from this list of Our Lady of GOOP's favorite things, you can use the code #30offlovegoop and it'll knock 30% off your overpriced purchase.

Use it to save a bundle on a bunch of other things you won't wear this summer, like a shapeless $400 sweatshirt dress or some $950 leather pants! Sweat is the new black, you guys.

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As always, Gwynnie, we're not worthy.

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