Tom Hardy: Brilliant actor. Attractive man. And for a precious while, the owner of a hilariously awful, king-douche Myspace page.
@BlackGirlNerds For your consideration: An NSFW sample of a Tom Hardy selfie from his myspace days: pic.twitter.com/Nijb7gs8ay
— Desiree (@dangerbowie) September 4, 2013
I'm sure that most of us aren't proud of what we put on Myspace back in the day. But most of us aren't also celebrated actors now. With Mad Max: Fury Road in theaters, some Internet heroes have taken the time to remind us that Tom Hardy's now-deleted Myspace page was a fever-dream of bro-ness and oddity circa 2008. The profile featured a whirlwind of shirt-less/crotch-full selfies, blurry costumed shots, and other bits of weirdness, like trying to look like a way cool dude while cooking a turkey:
Remember when Tom Hardy had a MySpace? (His actual original caption: x i'm cooking a turkey yo x x) pic.twitter.com/Gizs0VZD63
— Dani (◡‿◡✿) (@chlorrofthemask) May 26, 2015
What were the X's even for? Was the turkey straightedge? Several of Hardy's photos are actually strangely kitchen-centric, like this sex pose with the oven in the background, as if to say, "Both of these things will get you hot."
@KMozzovitch @JCannaford let's not forget my personal favourite of Tom Hardy's MySpace pictures... pic.twitter.com/5obEjFbSaQ
— Hong-Anh Nguyen (@DeweyDecibelle) May 19, 2015
Here he is in the kitchen again, this time looking like a real silly rascal:
Tom Hardy's old MySpace pictures are the funniest things. pic.twitter.com/u7EeAfltEM
— beccaruss (@beccalouruss) April 13, 2013
And we haven't even gotten to his "About Me" section yet, which includes several quotes that beg to be made into teen-girl glitter GIFs:
I never lie. If you suck you suck..If you're good I take my hat off and I'm all over you. I'll bend over backwards to help anyone of their word.. fuck me around I'll let it go I'm not here for stuff I'm here to live and give whatever it is I can to nourish rather than to take and move on
I have a head like a disco ball, if I say I'll do something, unless I absolutely can't it gets done, I never give up on humanity, I love people.
i am often afraid. So I have to share.I want to help, it's not my business to judge, I make mistakes, I stand corrected, I accept casualties and walk with hope because I fucking LOVE. I could so easily be dead. My head is like a dangerous neighbourhood I should never be in it without an appropriate adult.
...and all that's before he starts talking about religion.
As hilariously awful as all of this might seem, it also makes me love Tom Hardy more. Tom Hardy on MySpace was just a real dude who wasn't concerned about looking perfect; he was vomiting whatever he felt like up onto the Internet just like the rest of us were in 2008. We weren't thinking about our bosses Googling us, or about people using our bad grammar against us, or about not taking mirror selfies of our butts:
Why are all these article's about Tom Hardy's MySpace pictures omitting the jewel in the crown pic.twitter.com/hKz2hT4pAa
— QD Radio (@QueerDiscOx) June 1, 2015
I salute you, Myspace Tom Hardy. I hope that you still live somewhere inside Today Tom Hardy, taking prominent-junk selfies and cooking turkeys all day long.