Jokes about elephants, exes, yoga and more. These are the 25 funniest tweets by women this week!
You can tell that ISIS is mostly made up of men by the way it's constantly taking credit for other people's work— Jaime Lutz (@jaime_lutz) December 21, 2016
Before Facebook I just blindly assumed that everyone in my life knew how to spell.— Lauren Bans (@LaurenBans) December 27, 2016
Don't know that I've ever felt less kinship with a fellow member of this human race than I do with the woman whose carry-on is a hula hoop.— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) December 23, 2016
I believed the electoral college might actually vote against Trump— may wilkerson (@shutupmay) December 20, 2016
but I also believed my ex would "change to be with me"
I've come to believe that in Home Alone, Kevin is a dead little boy who torments everybody who visits his home.— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) December 24, 2016
The first kids in your class to find out the truth about Santa are basically the future atheists of America club.— samantha ruddy (@samlymatters) December 26, 2016
So basically this is what elephants look like when they wet..... they just been ashy the whole time............................ pic.twitter.com/ymq09VYpIf— Georgina 🇪🇷 (@ActuallyGina) December 26, 2016
crazy when you drive by your childhood home, peek in the window, see yourself as a kid & bolt so you don't disturb the space-time continuum— Bez (@Bez) December 23, 2016
Are you ever truly prepared to find out an ex has taken up puppeteering— Barbara Gray (@BabsGray) December 23, 2016
Don't hate me but I'm performing at the inauguration they said if I pad my bra and lip synch to Ariana Grande I can have Oregon— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) December 21, 2016
What idiot called it THE OA and not A PRAIRIE HOMER COMPANION? pic.twitter.com/UWNd8DrdWX— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) December 21, 2016
Overheard while shopping:— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) December 23, 2016
"Susan, did you see that new Star Trek movie? The rogue? I was thinking we could go after Peter's funeral tonight"
I finally found my spirit animal pic.twitter.com/hgBIK0nYKy— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) December 26, 2016
If my healthy organic cousin doesn't stop posting pics of her doing yoga I'm going to slap her with a sausage made out of coal— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 23, 2016
I'll have a sparking water, please.— april lavalle (@imatoofbrush) December 27, 2016
[grabs the waiter by his collar and whispers]
Give me Sprite and don't say a word about it to anyone.
I wear foundation that is too orange for my face as a performance art piece that lasts until the makeup I mistakenly bought runs out.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 22, 2016
My shower head has two settings:— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) December 23, 2016
1. Chinese water torture
2. The water stream chipped my nipple
Types of celebrities:— Ashly Perez (@itsashlyperez) December 27, 2016
1. Viral teens
3. Actors with credit card commercials
I like to blame my incompetence on the fact that growing up everyone blew on n64 cartridges even tho it did nothing but get saliva in them— billie-rae (@billieraegrant) December 27, 2016
My dad refusing 2 call Obi-Wan Kenobi anything other than 'Okie Dokie' is funnier than any of da jokes any of u hacks or me tweeted in 2016— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) December 27, 2016
I don't want to get too sentimental, but the best feeling in the world is when both your phone and laptop r fully charged. Great I'm crying— misunderstood worm (@_blotty) December 23, 2016
I feel left out for not dying in 2016— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) December 26, 2016
ATTN dudes in 2017: Some of yall need to replenish our supply of men who beautifully redefined masculinity w/ glitter & heels & short shorts— April Richardson (@Apey) December 26, 2016
In a fitting end to 2016, I used the gift card I got from my employer to pay for my antidepressants— kid gruesome (@smeagolsfree) December 23, 2016