Upworthy is the worst site on the Internet, that's been resolved. Their mission statement is smug, backpatting, faux-activist horseshit. Their headlines are the purest, crack-cocaine of clickbait. And when you do click, the content they've dredged up from YouTube never, ever pays off. To keep you from experiencing that disappointed, "Ew, I just clicked on an Upworthy link" feeling, we clicked on five of the links your Facebook friends will be gullibly sharing this week so you don't have to. Spoilers for each headline below.

Sources: All screencaps taken from Upworthy dot com.