Here's bloody good map of America submitted by Redditor himynameislydia and drawn by some Australian bloke who has (1) never been here and (2) apparently thinks Comic Sans is an acceptable font choice. As you can see, he totally nails Texas, Florida, Hawaii and Rectangle — which, you might know know, is the official state name of Wyoming.

In any event, here's my response map because, well, it's a Saturday afternoon and I had six and a half minutes to kill. 

Sources: Death And Taxes