Now we know why heart shapes aren't shaped like hearts. Balls are the true source of love.

Men are territorial beasts. If they see something nice that's unattended, they will try to get their genitals to interact with it. We don't have all that much sympathy for this Porsche owner; a dirty car is an invitation for casual vandalism, and a dirty Porsche is an invitation for very passive-aggressive casual vandalism. On the upside, even though he/she has to drive around knowing their car has known the touch of a strange man's balls, at least it didn't know the touch of a strange man's balls as well as his keys.

Sources: Redditor Craignb